“I am so tired. I overslept because these days the moment I shut my alarm off I just pass back out, so I was behind all day. I can’t figure out how people can watch their kids and get anything else done,” a friend said while frustrated and not feeling like a good enough mom.
She was trying to get something, anything done in the midst of caring for her infant and toddler and wanted the secret to others’ success. My response was simple: “They can’t.” I wanted those words to grant her permission to cut herself some slack because the early years when your kids need you for everything are incredibly difficult. If you feel like you’re not getting anything done, here are 4 things to remember.
1. You actually are.
I distinctly remember the day I learned this lesson. My son was not yet 1, and I could tell he wanted my undivided attention one particular afternoon. So we stood in the middle of the living room and danced. Then I held him upside down and kissed under his chin and he giggled until he got the hiccups. In the midst of all this, I actually had the horrible thought, “I’m not getting anything done right now.”
By the grace of God, I quickly gained the mental clarity that this moment was the most productive part of my day. The dishes might be dirty and your workout might still be cued up on the TV, but to look into the eyes of your child and communicate love… There’s no better use of your time.
2. You have options.
I’m gonna say something crazy, and you have to promise not to throw your Instant Pot at me. You don’t have to have a hot meal on the table every night. Or any night for that matter. You can eat a turkey sandwich and chips for dinner.
You don’t have to keep the bathroom spotlessly clean. And you don’t have to dress your kids in matching outfits. You are allowed to let go of perfection in areas that don’t matter as much to you.
You are allowed to let go of perfection in areas that don’t matter as much to you. Click To Tweet3. Looks can be deceiving.
None of my friends think the years with infants and toddlers were easy. We all agree we were tired, unproductive, and often closed out the day not feeling like a good enough mom. Sometimes I want to shout, “Where was all this honesty on Facebook back then?”
Perception is reality, and thanks to social media, I perceived that “everyone else is doing this better than me, and they look better doing it.” Seeing other moms of little ones doing amazing things like decorating for the holidays, embroidering monograms on onesies, and showering regularly left me feeling like there was something wrong with me. If you’re falling for the same thing, put your phone down because it’s lying to you.
4. It’s not forever.
When I had a newborn and a 1-year-old, during middle-of-the-night wakings, I’d often tell myself, “It’s not forever, Abby. This phase will pass.” I’d also say it during some of my most cherished moments, like when my toddler would “boop!” his baby brother’s nose. I’d watch them and think, “This won’t last forever. They will be grown before I know it.”
It’s interesting how the same words take on two meanings. One says I have hope in the promise that things will get better or easier in the near future. The other is the sad realization that the moment won’t last forever and we’ll soon be looking back longingly. If you’re frustrated you’re not getting more done, remember that there will be time for that. This isn’t forever, for good and for bad.
If you had an extra 30 minutes in your day, what would you do with it?
