“Time for churrrrrrch!” I yelled from the bottom of the stairs, loud enough for even the neighbors to hear and get moving. “Everyone should be up!” Two seconds later, heads began popping out of doors and the excuses began: “We need a day off.” “I have to work on my school project.” “We can just watch it online.” “I’m tired and I need to sleep in.” And the classic “I’ll go next week.”
Oh, the battles we face as moms trying to get our kids to do things and go places we want them to—good places, like church, Grandma’s house, or a sibling’s piano recital. We know these things matter and will benefit them, but how do we get them to go? Here are 7 ways to fight this battle and win.
1. Remind them the night before.
Reminders prevent a lot of excuses from launching. They allow kids to mentally prepare for the event and adjust their expectations for the day. This is especially helpful when you’re dealing with pre-teens and teens who have begun to make their own plans, sometimes days in advance. And from my experience, reminders seem to work best if they are given a few days before, as well as the night before. You’ll at least eliminate one excuse: “I forgot.”
2. Get on the same page with your husband.
After discussing with my husband how much I missed being together as a family, just the six of us, he got on board to help me plan a family outing, announce it to the kids (including the teens, amidst protest), and remind them when the day got closer. Having his help made it happen. When the kids saw that we were in agreement, they knew they couldn’t talk us out of it.
3. Change things up.
If you experience a lot of resistance to an event that happens routinely, a change might be in order. Keep in mind that you can make a change and still accomplish your overall goal as a parent. For example, if the kids are fighting you about going to Grandma’s house every Saturday for lunch, ask if Grandma can come to your house the next time and order pizza. If the kids are resisting church, try a different service time or even a different church.
Keep in mind that you can make a change and still accomplish your overall goal as a parent. Click To Tweet4. Don’t ask, tell.
When given the option to go somewhere, most kids will say no—especially if the event isn’t centered around them or new and exciting. Most regular events like sports practices, lessons, or weekly Cub Scout meetings will get “boring” to a child over time. So make it clear from the start that you will be going and why, and then don’t present it as an option each week. It’s just time to go.
5. Figure out why they don’t want to go.
In some instances, there’s a problem you can help solve. My 12-year-old son began dragging his feet on going to church. One day, I asked him what he didn’t like about it. Amidst the rambling, one legitimate reason stood out: He didn’t have any friends there from his school. So we started bringing a friend of his with us every week, and now, my son loves going.
6. Be excited about it yourself!
Whatever the destination, choose excitement over guilt. Many times, our first reaction to pushback is to lecture about all the reasons they should go. And while we aren’t wrong, most of the time, that method is guilt-inducing rather than truly motivating. If they decide to attend, they are only doing so to placate you for the time being. Try piquing their interest instead. Talk about your excitement beforehand (“I can’t wait to go to church! It always gives me the fuel I need to start the week off right!) and what the rewards will be (“Your sister will be so grateful you cheered her on while she performed her solo!”).
7. Reward them.
If you couple something a person doesn’t like with something he or she enjoys, it becomes bearable—even likeable. And a lot of moms say that just getting their kids out the door is most of the battle. Once kids reach their destination, they enjoy themselves. So whether the reward is getting donuts on the way to the sibling’s basketball game, Mexican food afterward, or a bonus sticker on a chore chart, find out what motivates your kids.
What do you do when your child doesn’t want to do something or go somewhere?
