I love my mom because she… One of my kids filled in the blank next to that phrase with “hugs me after school.” Aw! How sweet! Double dessert for him! Meanwhile, my other son wrote “makes sure I remember to wear underwear.” Welp. That’s something.
We all know that listening, making a favorite meal, and a warm tuck-in at bedtime can communicate love, but I think there are ways to show love to your child that fly under the radar. Here are 3 uncommon but important ones.
1. Let them feel discomfort.
In 2017, when my 6-year-old son got immunization shots, the pediatrician said, “That’s all ’til you’re 12!” My son hasn’t forgotten those words and brings up the dreaded shot often. He turned 12 last week and doesn’t want to get his boosters, but because I love him, I’m willing to let him experience the discomfort of the needle.
Why are we so afraid of letting our kids feel physically and emotionally uncomfortable? I’m guilty of jumping in to push the lawn mower when they’re getting hot or speaking for them when they get tongue-tied in front of another adult. But I’m not helping; I’m robbing them of the chance to prove what they can do, step out of their comfort zones, and possibly fumble.
Protecting our kids from suffering feels loving, but it’s through suffering that we grow and can realize true joy. Loving your child well doesn’t mean you prevent suffering or discomfort. It means you walk through it with them.
2. Discipline slowly.
We live in a world where immediacy is king. Faster is better. In arguments or debates, we think pausing equals weakness. In reality, waiting to respond shows self-control, discernment, and wisdom.
This rushing to react spills over into our relationship with our kids and can have devastating effects. We think waiting to respond puts too much distance between the offense and the consequence. Or maybe the lecture won’t have the same impact if we wait 24 hours.
When we fail to take things slowly, we often discipline or yell from a place of reactionary anger. In the book Intentional Parenting, Doug and Cathy Fields say, “When you’re screaming and yelling at them, kids don’t hear what you’re saying, but they do hear your spirit.” That spirit is not one of love or self-control. But we make it possible to discipline by choice when we discipline slowly. We choose the consequence and can use a more loving tone. Discipline and love go hand in hand, but quick discipline often takes love out of the equation.
Discipline and love go hand in hand, but quick discipline often takes love out of the equation. Click To Tweet3. Invest in your mental health.
My kids don’t know I talk to a counselor once a month, but they see some of the fruits of those conversations—I don’t rely on them to give me self-worth, and my peace doesn’t hinge on their behavior. That hasn’t always been the case, though.
You don’t have to go far on Instagram to find an account advocating for moms to work through their “stuff” to break cycles and grow in emotional maturity. If you find yourself looking to your kids for support or to be your source of self-worth, seeking counseling is one of the best ways to show love to your children. You’re telling them, “I’m responsible for me. You can just be a kid.”
Which of these three ways to show love to your child would be the most challenging for you?
