On a family vacation, my daughter tried out the hotel’s hot tub. But a minute in, she cried, “Oh no! I forgot to take off my watch!” She set it gently on a towel beside the water, but unfortunately, the watch soon died. “Well, I guess you better save up for a new one,” I said. But when we got home, she disappeared into the basement and tinkered with it for a bit. After a while, she said, “It’s fixed! See?” She told me that’s what engineers do—they fix stuff. “And I want to be an engineer,” she said. Great, I thought. That’s really what engineers do? I was happy she had goals—even if the watch died again, hours later.
But an engineer? Where did she come from? My child likes taking things apart, which is not my comfort zone! But I’m trying to follow her dreams instead of ones I’d envisioned for her. Whether your child shares your interests or has her own, here are 3 ways to encourage your child’s dreams.
1. Foster her passions (not yours).
My daughter knelt in the dirt. “Look, Mom!” Her hands disappeared under a plant. Seconds later, she held her hands up to my face. A fat toad sat in her palms. “Cute,” I said, scooching backwards. A few years after that, I mentioned to our vet that my daughter loved animals. The vet then invited her in to shadow her at the clinic. My kid loved watching a dog get neutered, but the thought of that makes me want to heave. Not my idea of fun.
In her book How to Raise an Adult, Julie Lythcott-Haims has a section called “Our checklist, their life.” In it, she talks about how we put all these extracurricular activities on our “kids’ checklist of experiences.” But are these checklists more for us or for them? “When parents trample on their child’s desires, the kid might accede, wither, or grow defiant,” she writes. I want my children to grow up curious about the world and excited about what it has to offer. That means listening to what she’s passionate about and encouraging your child’s dreams.
2. Engage with him.
On a trip to Washington, D.C. a few years ago, my son had one thing he had to see: Abraham Lincoln’s hat. The photo I took of him in his Tigers ballcap standing next to Lincoln’s hat now hangs in our home. Honestly, I didn’t even know this artifact existed. But seeing this hat meant something to my son. So, I put on a smile and asked a dozen questions about Lincoln as we meandered through the Smithsonian’s crowded halls.
As our children get older, their passions begin to surface. When they do, keep talking with your kids about whatever their passion might be, whether it’s music or baseball or Minecraft. Ask questions and sit down without your phone to hear the answers. When we show our kids we’re engaged in their dreams and dare to dream with them, we’re telling them we believe in them.
When we show our kids we’re engaged in their dreams and dare to dream with them, we’re telling them we believe in them. Click To Tweet3. Follow her lead.
My daughter’s dream to become a veterinarian took a sharp turn the day she listened to an engineering talk at an amusement park. Since then, she’s said, “I want to be an engineer.” My own father was an engineer, and I can’t tell you what exactly he did at work. But I’ve decided to follow my daughter’s lead.
As Lythcott-Haims writes, “We have dreams for [our children], but mustn’t shape the way they dream.” Give your child a chance to lead the way so she can learn through experience what it is she’s most passionate about. Pray with your kids as well and ask God for guidance. That’s what our family does, and it’s reassuring when we feel led in a certain way after taking time to pray about it.
How do you encourage your child’s dreams?
