20 Pillow Talk Questions for You and Your Child

 

Here are 20 Pillow Talk Questions from iMOM to help you jump start your relationship with your child. For daily Pillow Talk Questions delivered to your email inbox, sign up for the Espresso Minute Daily Email.

  1. What do you like to dream about?
  2. What is your best memory this school year?
  3. Who is your hero? Why?
  4. How would you describe your family?
  5. If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be?
  6. What are you most proud of yourself for?
  7. Who is the kindest person you know? Why?
  8. What do you like most about your best friend?
  9. What is one thing you would like to learn to do well?
  10. If you were an animal what one would you be and why?
  11. When is the last time someome hurt your feelings? How did you react?
  12. Do you know someone who is going though a hard time? How can you help them?
  13. What is the scariest thing that happened this year?
  14. If you could keep only one thing, out of everything you have, what would it be?
  15. Who do you think is really successful? Why?
  16. What’s the best thing about your teacher this year?
  17. When do you feel misunderstood by grown-ups?
  18. What three words best describe you?
  19. What’s something that makes you angry?
  20. What’s the best compliment you ever received


© 2011 iMOM. All Rights Reserved. Family First, All Pro Dad, iMOM, and Family Minute with Mark Merrill are registered trademarks.

97 Comments
  • Ava-j

    Thanks for this post. :)

    • http://www.imom.com/ iMOM

      You’re welcome!

  • Ljmcara

    Wish I had this info.when my children were small. I passed this on to my daughter who has two small boys. Thank-you.

    • http://www.imom.com/ iMOM

      Thanks for sharing with your daughter!

  • Tysmommy3

    Love this!

  • monica

    We will be getting a foster child soon and I think these will be great questions to ask. Thanks!

  • Newsgalsd

    WOW!! I cannot wait to start asking some of these to my almost five year old son!!

  • http://twitter.com/parresia Julie Wilson

    I needed this, getting tired of the “what was your favorite thing today?”

  • FF9176

    We do high/low during family dinner time every night….each family member gets a turn sharing at least one thing that made them really happy and one thing that made them really sad that day. Most of the times, the happy things usually out-number the sad things but with each person sharing, a lot of support and joy is given to each other this way. One person just says: “high/low” and starts sharing.

  • http://www.yourownhomestore.com/ Misty Marsh

    Awesome, thanks! I’m going to print this out and ask a different one each night!

  • Anonymous

    I ask my 3 yr old granddaughter these question, every night.
    What happened today that your thankful for?
    What happened today that made you laugh?
    She ususally has appropriate answers.
    I also have her…
    Tell me something that happened today, yesterday, the other day and a long time ago.
    At first ever each response was something that happened that day but mow she is starting to figure out the time periods and is usually right. This way I learn what is important to her and what make her happy and even sad. A couple time I forgot to ask her the questions and she quickly reminded me.

    • Laurabk88

      My three year old was playing next to my chair when I read this and I immediately asked her the questions. What an awesome idea to teach them about time! Thanks for sharing.

  • celerylover

    Thanks. These are great. I will also use them when my child is acting bored (thinking of one child in particular)..they will be good subjects for essays.

    • http://www.imom.com/ iMOM

      Good thought!

  • Jesikabeck

    A good idea is to keep a small journal of some of their answers. Just take a little time to jot down things that were cute, sad, funny, etc. Then give it to them on their 18th birthday, wedding day or when they have their first child. I’m doing something now for my 4 and 6 year old…every once in a while I’ll go back and reread, and the memories are already cherished. :) I love this list though. It will make my journals that much better. Thank you!

  • Tinkerbell61102

    I love this!! Great job…

  • Sca6307

    Look forward to asking our grandson these great questions when he sleeps over. Thanks.

  • http://www.facebook.com/chickenIverson Heather Amber Iverson

    Definately need to tone these down a little for my toddler, but i really like this concept!

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/M6MNTWVCNPBXZ6LAT3RKPZ5CBY Brittany

    Jesikabeck- The journal is a great idea! I have two boys 8 and 3 and I want to ask them a list of questions every year on their birthday until they’re 18 and look at the difference year to year.

  • Wbradley1

    Yes, there are many interesting questions here. However, not the type a child needs to contemplate at a time when he should be feeling relaxed and secure. caroler

    • cdmalone10

      None of these are questions that a child needs to contemplate on much. Children, unlike adults, have readily available answers to these questions. Being in a secure, relaxed state will only help a child to be more open and thoughtful in answering… IMHO. :)

  • Jmroberson

    I love all of them except for number five. I wouldn’t change a thing about my daughter.

    • miu83

      its really sweet, and i’m very happy you have that attitude. i think its kind of important, though, to ask that in my opinion. i think knowing what my child is insecure about, or what they feel are their weak points can give me an insight that i need to help her get over that and know that there is nothing that needs to change!

    • My3sons1245

      I am sure you would not change anything but everyone would like to change something about themselves and knowing what your daughter does not like about herself could be very important information to help her through her childhood and esp her teen years.

    • Ropergirl_00

      I think it refers to the child’s thoughts about themselves to give u an idea of where they may be lacking confidence.

    • Dreamer

      I would add as a mom, “If you could change anything about me, what would it be?”

      • Foxfaith147

        my husband asked my daughter (5yo) that question expecting her to name a character flaw….she said “daddy, I would change that bump on your face” (a unmemorable mole) LOL

        • TSLAY

          Omg, that was hilarious!!!

        • rhall

          out of the mouths of babes!!! love it!!

    • Kara

      Except its not about you and what you would change, its about her and what she would change…this is growth!

  • Laurie

    How about ‘what were you grateful for today?’

    • Valsreallycoolstuff

      wish there was a love button! We are being told by Oprah, Dr. Oz, Dr Phil, etc that we need to keep a gratitiude journal, maybe if children learn to be grateful, they will become grateful adults.

  • Suz

    I just printed this out for me and my daughter who is 12. Lately, all of our conversations consist of grunts, moans, shoulder shrugs and “I don’t know”. I’m hoping I can catch her at a weak moment and we can actually have a conversation longer than 30 seconds and more than 5 words. She’s an awesome kid .. honor roll, athletic, funny, makes good choices, etc. Just going through those awful “tween” years and dealing with all the changes/hormones that go with it. Thank you for this list .. these are some really good questions.

    • Noll16

      Hang in there, Suz. What’s great is your daughter has a mom that cares. I’ve been there with my older kids and am currently “there” with my 12 yr old boy who will answer all my questions patiently with as few words as possible:) I find that we have our best conversations in the car (something about being in a confined space with no escape and not looking at eachother)! Good luck.

      • Shelwatson

        I found the car was the best place for me to have a conversation with my son. My daughter was easier to capture :-) I would also sprinkle our conversation time with music. We’d chat, then turn up the tunes – roll down the window – and cruz. He loved it! (I drive a sports car – and he loved every minute)

    • Aaunser

      Im not a mother, but i am someone’s daughter. The only advice i can give you is to give your daughter space, but never so much that she can question if she can turn to you if she needs to. Remember where you were at her age, your life probably revolved around being cool, and she probably faces a lot of hard and new challenges everyday. Parents aren’t, and shouldn’t be cool.

      You’ll have those “weak” moments where she will really talk to you, but don’t force them on her. You relationship will be so much stronger later on if you give her space and let her come to you…

      Try asking her about things that have nothing to do with her… she might feel like the whole world is judging her, yourself included. Ask her about what she thinks about speed limits or apple pie or the president. She may think that when you ask about her all the time, you’re trying to invade her privacy (not that you are, teenagers are paranoid and sensitive).

      My relationship with my own mother couldn’t be better, even though during my “teen” years a was an unmitigated disaster and was absolutely horrible to my mother. Im glad that who not only gave me the space to figure myself out, but also gave me the time to realize how awfully i treated her and forgave me for it.

    • Jamie

      My mother would take me to Denny’s. No kidding! It would be just me and her in a booth back in the corner, no brothers. We would share a dessert and sometimes we would sit there talking for 2, 3, 4 hours. I am an adult now and we still occasionally will run off to Dennys together. Those are some of the greatest memories I will always cherish.

    • kimbud

      Is my daughter secretly living at your house? lol You described her to a T!

    • http://www.facebook.com/michellehurdbuss Michelle Hurd Buss

      Judging from the numerous responses your post has received; you are not alone! Teenage girls can be tricky…but they want what we all want: to be loved and cherished for who they are. In our case, I’ve found that she still craves that undivided attention I can give her when I “tuck her in” at night and I find that her natural teenage defenses are lowered just a little when she’s warm, comfortable and tired! LOL Bedtime has evolved from storytime and snuggling to discussing issues that are important to her and LOTS of listening on my part.

      • http://loveisyhwh.blogspot.com/ Laura

        Wow. You just spoke to my heart. I often longed for those tuck-ins after they stopped, even if I was mad at her.

  • Valsreallycoolstuff

    I just know my daughter will love these ideas for her 2 boys. Her mothering style is so precious and it makes me cry!

  • Yonkers

    Have you read Ann Voskamp’s book, 1000 gifts? It talks about this very thing- being grateful in all circumstances!

  • Jbd

    Loved these, and I think the idea is great. I am remembering back to my childhood though, and based on my own experience- question 14 can be scary to a child. I remember spending a lot of time at night in my bedroom looking around, and trying to plan what I would take with me if I had to escape from a fire (I think it must have started after a fire awareness training). The thought that I may not be able to keep things/ beings that were all precious to me and loved, terrified me. I felt panicked at the thought of needing to choose. Perhaps I am alone in this, and was a neurotic child I don’t know lol.
    However, with the exception of # 14, I think these are great.

    • Kristin

      I agree with you. I remember always being terrified that in an emergency I wouldn’t be able to find the most important things to me, or be able to choose what to sacrific, and I’d obcess over it at night. I know if I asked my pre-schooler that question he’d react the same way, and I’d especially hate to bring it up at bedtime.

      • Nicole

        I did the same thing growing up! Grew up in a safe loving home/neighborhood but was always in fear of a fire, or getting kidnapped, robbed at night so definitely agree its a bad question.

        • Joynsoul

          I think the point is to find out what things are important or cherished by your child. If you’re uncomfortable with the question the way it is, then you can change it a little and still get the same information. For example, you can ask them what one thing they would take on a trip if they could only take one thing, or something to that effect.

  • Becky

    I know the one my parents always asked us was name 3 good things your did today?

  • Joanne

    Great list!

  • Mustangurluvsami

    These are great, but I’d love to hear some that are geared for preschoolers

    • Rachel

      They have a preschool one, in fact there is one for just about any topic you could think of…
      http://www.imom.com/tools/conversation-starters/preschool-talk/

    • Eliza W.

      My 4yo comes up with pretty well-considered answers for these. She’ll give deeper answers as she gets older, but that doesn’t mean these don’t work now.

  • Jen

    It might be fun to write them all down on slips of paper, fold them up and put them in a jar. Then each night the kids can each pick one and answer it! Then put them back in the jar, shake it up and it is ready for the next night.

  • http://twitter.com/ActivityHero ActivityHero

    Love this!

  • Stephanie

    Im going to put these in a mason jar and pull one out every night :-)

    • rhall

      that is a good Idea!

  • http://www.themeaningofme.com/ The Meaning of Me

    Got here from Cup of Jo. I love this list. Agreed, many or most of these might be out of the experience reach of a preschooler, but it’s a great starting point. If my four year old was fourteen, these would be perfect!

    • kass a frass

      I have a four year old and he can answer A LOT of these. I think the point is to start a line of communication. You can come up with your own questions for them, just ask questions, stay engaged.

  • Sarah

    At night, my daughter and I do “Best part of the day was…” and “Worst part of the day was…,” plus “Wish for tomorrow.”
    She’s five and loves it to pieces. Eventually I hope to translate it into a journaling thing she can do.

  • Sarahjane Nuttall

    Thanks for posting these great questions. I posted a feature about these questions on my blog with a link to your blog! Thanks for sharing. http://www.sjscrafts.blogspot.com

  • Mahimaiden

    What a great idea. My Grandson and I will start this practice tonight.

  • Leslie

    Very nice- thanks!

  • Summernb2605

    Every night I ask my two girls, (4&6). What their favorite part of the day was and why!? Makes for great bed time talk and they are so excited about telling me they want to go to bed so they can!

  • Cferguson1212

    Great idea. Kids are much more likely to talk at bedtime. If you have several children you can let one stay up a bit later one night week for a little one-on-one time.

  • Grandma Cheryl

    For preschoolers you can ask things like – What made you happy today? What would you like to do that we haven’t done for a while? Who did you help today? What is your favorite color? animal? dinner? treat? breakfast? Is there anything that makes you sad? angry? laugh? What do you like to do with daddy? with mommy? with grandpa/grandma etc.
    Just about anything to give them a chance to express themselves and to know you are listening.

  • Ash

    “Who loves you?”

    My mom would follow up with, “Who else?” until we got to her and she would tickle us. Verbalizing every person I could think of that loved me was incredibly powerful.

    • Jamie

      I ask my 2.5 year old this and I love it. I never have to ask “Who else?” he just lists everybody!!

      Mimi loves me
      papa loves me
      Mommy loves me

      And acts like he is counting them on his fingers.

  • Nikki Smith_1988

    Are there any focused more on Pre-Schoolers?

  • Robin

    Love it! Definitely gonna give it a try!! Think I might tweak it a bit though to make it more fun/interesting. I’ll write all the ???s down indivdually, fold them, and put them in a jar. I’ll have my lil’ guy pick one out every night. As a bonus, I’ll pick one as well for him to ask me!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_KMYUMLQPTHV7ZD65CEKMH4P2SM KalendraK

    What would it be like if you had wheels for feet? what would you do if you were plastic woman/man? What would you do without a strong gravitational pull? If you grew wings tomorrow would you hide them or show them off and why? What if you grew an extra eyeball?

  • parkerpediatricspeechservices

    I love this! It prompts kids to answer with something more than just yes or no answers. Wonderful!

  • Jordana Macias

    I love this, I did it with my daughter tonight n it was a great way for her to open up to me

  • Lanlan80

    I stole my friends idea of asking my 5 year old two questions each day over dinner or at bedtime. “What was the peach of your day” meaning what was the best part of the day, followed by “What was the pit of your day” meaning what was the worst part. We go around the table and everyone participates :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anita-Siemon-Timms-Mordue/100000263139712 Anita Siemon Timms Mordue

    My son is 18 and at college but I still send him a text once in a while asking some of the same questions I ask when he was small:

    1 – What’s the greatest thing that happen to you today?
    2 – What are you thankful for from today?
    3 – What did you do or what happen today that can be done differently or better in the future?

    I also recorded many of his answers in his grateful journal. He still gets a kick in reading what he was grateful for through the years.

    God bless, Anita

  • Imshadyxx

    How about for toddlers / preschoolers

  • Littlespenda39

    I needed this. Excellent idea.

  • Mmbjhall

    good ideas for dinner conversation too

  • Rebeengland

    I have to say I think this, along with the other lists of conversation and activity ideas on imom, are wonderful. When my children were younger I was never at a loss for things to ask, talk about, or do together. But now that they are 12 and 16, I’m at a total loss, each is their own ‘person’ now and I guess I needed a handbook for this part of parenting. ITs like my mind has drawn a blank! So I take what I can from these lists, that are age appropriate. Thanks to imom!

  • Lynnzdoug

    Absolutely love these!

  • amanda

    bad idea to ask a kids “{what’s the SCARIEST thing that happened this year”….. NIGHTMARES!? HELLO!?

    • meijhen

      If my child had experienced something traumatic enough to cause nightmares at the time it happened, I’d avoid asking that question….otherwise, it’s probably pretty safe to ask…

    • Melinda

      So you think it healthier not to discuss scary things? Bringing stuff out into the open and being able to talk about it tends to bring it into perspective. Guess it all depends on how you handle it, but sounds like one of the most important things you could do.

  • Golfermom

    Love this and these questions
    Thank ou

  • Grandster

    I would love to hear some that are geared for 9 year olds diagnosed with high functioning Aspergers Syndrome

  • Tamiluewho

    These are good for getting teens to talk, too!

  • Greer

    I don’t think you should ask a small child what they want to change about themselves. It teaches them from a young age that they aren’t perfect just the way they are.

  • EllasMom

    Every night, as I tuck my 3 year old into bed, I ask her what was her favourite part of the day, and worst part of the day. We then briefly discuss how we can replicate the good and minimize the bad. She then usually asked me the same questions. It’s one of my favourite bedtime rituals.

  • EllasMom

    I ram reading a lot of user posts about gratitude and keeping gratitude journals. The month of November my daughter (and I) did the 30 Days of Happiness Challenge by the Smile Epidemic. It was a great experience and my 3 year old didn’t want to stop after the 30 days. Google it, it was great! It is all about happiness and gratitude.

  • http://www.facebook.com/michellehurdbuss Michelle Hurd Buss

    Thank you! I’m going to use these with my 14 yo daughter; it’s amazing the things I learn in those 30 mins right before bed :)

  • http://twitter.com/disneyinsiders Kristi

    I just love these! Great conversation starters!

  • http://www.facebook.com/aimee.lunde Aimee Johnson Lunde

    I have a 5 and 4 year old, and we have a game we call the “thinking game”. I think of two things they have to choose from and ask, “What’s your favorite: swimming, or sledding?” “What’s your favorite: pizza or cheeseburgers?”. It is a great way to wind down at night, and really gets their wheels turning. It is a fun travel game, too, to get them talking instead of always watching movies in the van. Lately they have turned the tables on me and started to ask me to choose between things. Try it out for younger kids!

  • http://twitter.com/mrsdchastain Diana C

    Any geared towards toddlers?

  • Someboy

    You need some more real questions!! but anyone can answer these!!! Put feeling in it :)

  • Sonia

    Hi! my name is Sonia and I am a mother and a blogger. I write for a spanish blog called http://www.putumputum.wordpress.com and I have found this lovely post that I would love to translate and publish in my blog. I´ll of course include a link to this original post. Please, let me know if you agree with my proposal.

    Thanks in advance and congratulations for the site!

  • rebecca at thisfineday

    Great list of questions. I want to sit down and ask her all of them right now!! But, I know I’ll have to wait and definitely spread them out. Thanks for the list!

    http://thisfineday.com

  • Ana Serra

    are this questions to take their sleep?!?!

  • Katie

    i love all of these questions

  • charlotte11005

    I thought that you would aswer them online so maybe that’s they could do