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The Right, and Wrong Way to Praise Your Kids
A lot of moms just can’t help it; we heap tons of praise on our kids because we love them so much. Who can fault us for that, right? Well, it is great for our children to know how wonderful we think they are. But when it comes to praising them in the smarts category, we need to get a little more strategic.
Research shows that the most effective praise is directed at our children’s efforts. In fact, kids who were praised for their intelligence had less improvement academically, because they believed their potential was limited. Children praised on their hard work, or effort, felt that they could improve their outcomes, and did.
So when you can, build your child’s self-esteem by praising their effort.
Instead of This... |
Say This... |
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1. (Praise the process) You really thought through those questions. |
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2. Good job! |
2. (Point out the accomplishment) You went down that slide all by yourself! |
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3. You’re a great dancer! |
3. (Help them focus on how they achieved their success) How did you |
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4. You are a natural athlete! |
4. (Help them see the value of putting in effort) All of your practice has really |
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5. Everyone loves you! |
5. (Tie your praise to their choices.) Your kindness makes you such a good |
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6. You’re the best reader in your class. |
6. (Praise the process) Boy, the more you read the better you seem to get. |
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7. That’s your best drawing ever! |
7. (Don’t put pressure on them to do even better) This drawing is wonderful! |
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8. You make getting good grades look so easy! |
8. (Make the effort/results connection) All of that homework you did, and |
Now, sometimes, a flat out compliment is fine—you’re so pretty, you’re so kind, you’re blessed with good intelligence—but try to find specific things to praise your children on, and praise the process. That way, they’ll see how their efforts are related to the outcomes.
© 2012 iMOM. All Rights Reserved. Family First, All Pro Dad, iMOM, and Family Minute with Mark Merrill are registered trademarks.
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