Have you ever seen The Ten Commandments starring Charlton Heston? I haven’t, but I can picture the scenes when Moses parts the Red Sea and when he descends from Mt. Sinai with the stone tablets.
You don’t have to be a person of faith to be somewhat familiar with the actual Ten Commandments. They’re rules for right living given to man by God. They’re simple, and if followed, they can help us love our neighbors better. Sometimes, the “neighbors” who can be the most difficult to love are the ones next to us in bed—our husbands. I took the Ten Commandments and gave them a spin that will help you “live right” with the person you live with. Here are 10 commandments for a healthy marriage.
1. Don’t put other relationships above your marriage.
You shall have no other gods before me.
Where does your marriage land on your list of priorities? Do your kids get the best of you and leave you with nothing for your husband? Do you confide in your friends more than in him?
2. Don’t speak harshly about your spouse or your marriage.
You shall not take the Lord’s name in vain.
A friend of mine said she and her husband agreed to honor each other when they weren’t together. You’ll never hear her disrespect their marriage or complain about him to others. They’re not perfect, but they’ve resolved to keep those things between them and work them out privately.
3. Carve out time for one another.
Keep holy the sabbath day.
Have a non-negotiable time that is meant for just the two of you. Maybe it’s 10 minutes after work or Sundays from 8 to 9 in the morning. Then give your full attention to each other for that time.
4. Help each other be great parents (and children to aging parents).
Honor your father and mother.
The partnership you have with your husband is the most important relationship in your kids’ lives. Too many parents work separately or even compete for their children’s affection. Be a wife who helps her husband shine in front of the kids and vice versa. Your marriage will grow, and your kids will reap the rewards.
5. Argue to understand, not to win.
You shall not kill.
Sometimes we go into a fight with the goal to take the other person out, but in a healthy marriage, the goal should be mutual growth and understanding. Bring empathy into arguments in your marriage, and you’ll come out on the other side a stronger couple than ever before.
6. Don’t open your heart to anyone else.
You shall not commit adultery.
Faithfulness is more than not cheating. Spouses who are faithful guard their hearts and minds to honor one another. That means not looking at pornography, not opening up emotionally to someone of the opposite sex, and not treating each other as objects.
Faithfulness is more than not cheating. Spouses who are faithful guard their hearts and minds to honor one another. Click To Tweet7. Give more than you take.
You shall not steal.
My husband likes to remind me that what’s his is mine, and what’s mine is his. Usually, this speech comes when he wants some of my ice cream. In a life where two become one, one of the only things we still possess and can give of generously is our time. We can give of that generously by serving one another.
8. Use your words to build one another up.
You shall not bear false witness.
For a healthy marriage, be a couple who looks for ways to be lifegiving with words. Hold back on gossip. When friends complain about their husbands, just keep quiet. If your spouse tells you something in confidence, don’t spill it to friends. Use kind words more frequently than passive-aggressive ones and sarcasm.
9. Don’t compare your marriage to others’.
You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife.
It’s easy to think that another couple’s marriage is perfect. You don’t see any of their dirty laundry or the struggles they have behind closed doors. You can easily be fooled into thinking there’s someone better who would make you happier, but often the someone better you’re looking for is right next to you already.
10. Find new reasons to be grateful for the life you have.
You shall not covet your neighbor’s goods.
I like to take walks in the morning, but I’ve noticed it gives me house envy. When I get home, I look around at all the things I want to change. Then I remember my husband and I created our home, and it’s where our family’s love grows. When we compare what we have or accumulate possessions that don’t matter, it can easily morph into discontent in our marriage. Protect your marriage by being grateful for what you have.
What other commandments for a healthy marriage would you add to this list?
