How do you feel when someone compliments your shoes, your cooking, or a job well done? It’s a good feeling. But how do you feel when someone you really care about compliments you on something? That’s a great feeling. So imagine the power of the compliments for kids we’re going to share with you today. A child who feels valued and accepted by his mother can change the world. A child who feels like her mother thinks she’s wonderful can better weather the challenges life sends her way.
Research shows that the most motivating compliments for children are those that praise hard work, the process they use to reach goals, and traits like perseverance and dedication. But, be sure to give other compliments too — how beautiful and handsome they are (all children are beautiful or handsome in their mother’s eyes!), how strong and kind they are (children will likely live up to what they feel we believe them to be), and how amazing they are, in general (every child is amazing). We made it easy with this list of compliments to use. Here are 10 compliments your kids need to hear.
1. Compliment their character.
We live in a world where integrity is neither consistently taught nor widely-expected. When our children demonstrate honesty, kindness, trustworthiness, and reliability, that’s a great time to take them aside and offer a sincere compliment.
It’s too easy to fall into patterns of disapproval, where the only time we notice is when kids do wrong. Rather than waiting for disobedience or disrespect (then coming down like a ton of bricks), try noticing obedience and respect: “I don’t always remember to tell you, but you are an awesome young man, and I appreciate the way you treat people.”
3. Compliment them for simply being part of the family.
“Every time I see you, I’m thankful that I’m your Mom.” Kids need to understand that they are valued simply because they are.
4. Compliment contributions to the family.
“Clearing the table (sweeping the porch, putting out the trash) makes a real difference. I appreciate your contribution.” Kids need to understand that what they do makes a difference, that the adults notice, and that pitching in is a good part of family life.
5. Compliment the quality of their work.
“This is one clean porch, mister!” “You mowed the lawn right up to the edge. Way to go! I’m so glad you take this job so seriously, it shows.” Doing a job at a high standard is always worth noting.
6. Compliment the effort, even when the result is not the best.
“Your willingness to help makes me happy! Now, we need to take a look at how you can get the trash to the curb without leaving a trail!” Compliments can be an important part of our role as teachers.
7. Compliment when they achieve something new.
“Wow! That’s a huge leap forward for you there in math, pal.” “Awesome! I’m not at all surprised after you worked so hard.” A well-placed compliment can keep a positive ball rolling.
8. Compliment their sense of style, even if we don’t exactly share their taste.
We don’t want to force our kids into being clones of us. “When it comes to putting together an outfit, you certainly have some flair!” “I can tell that you put a lot of thought into the way you look.” “I’ve never seen a table set quite like that before – you have an amazing imagination!” It’s not useful to limit compliments to the narrow range of our own taste.
9. Compliment steps toward a long-term goal.
“Son, the improvement you’re showing is commendable. Thanks for trying.” Waiting for perfection before we’re willing to dish out a compliment is inefficient, may dampen enthusiasm, and does little to help the process of growth.
10. Compliment their friends.
But only do this when you can do it honestly! “Your friends are the greatest!” “That Jess is such a good kid.” “You know, it gives me a lot of confidence to know you use common sense in choosing your friends.”
Tell Us! How do you normally compliment your kids?