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25 Questions Every Wife Should Ask Herself

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You know that moment right before you’re about to say something hurtful to your husband? And then the shameful feeling afterward when you couldn’t restrain yourself? I’m pretty familiar with that cycle. I had this habit of complaining about my husband’s career, a job he loves, believes in, works tirelessly to excel at—a job that provides well for our family. However, his career in the military requires significant sacrifice for our family, a fact that used to leave me resentful.

Whenever I expressed my frustrations with his job, I could tell it hurt him. He was trying his best to balance work and home, but I wasn’t satisfied. After years of grumbling, I finally got sick of my discontent and thought, “I can’t change his job, but I can choose to focus on the positives.” Then I had to look inward and decide if I was holding up my end of the deal and actively pursuing ways to be a better wife. It’s easy to point the finger in marriage, but hard to look in the mirror. So ask yourself these 25 questions and see where you have room to grow.

Before you ask yourself these questions, remember this.

Just like there’s no such thing as a perfect husband, there’s no such thing as a perfect wife. We are all human. We get frazzled, tired, and annoyed, especially when you consider many of us are trying to juggle work, kids, schedules, and that husband we’re focusing on here. This isn’t about striving for perfection. It’s about getting intentional with ways to be a better wife and aware of where we could (possibly) be treating him unfairly or unlovingly. As you ask yourself these questions, is there one that sticks out?

Just like there's no such thing as a perfect husband, there's no such thing as a perfect wife. Click To Tweet
  1. Do I speak respectfully about my husband to others?
  2. Do I initiate sex sometimes?
  3. Do I offer my husband grace when he makes a mistake?
  4. Do I pray for my husband?
  5. Do I make wise choices with our finances?
  6. Am I intentional about how I spend my time?
  7. Am I honest with him about what I need from him?
  8. Do I know my husband’s love language?
  9. Do I check in on how my husband is doing?
  10. Have I seen a counselor (alone or as a couple) to help me work through past hurts and receive marriage tune-ups?
  11. Do I give my husband the benefit of the doubt?
  12. Do I put my husband before my kids?
  13. Do I focus on my husband’s strengths more than weaknesses?
  14. Am I regularly seeking resources that help me discover ways to be a better wife?
  15. Do I intentionally create moments of fun with my husband?
  16. Am I in a community of women who speak respectfully, not poorly, about their husbands?
  17. Do I sometimes text him to say something sweet or flirty?
  18. Do I encourage him?
  19. Do I allow him to lead our family in his unique way?
  20. Do I prioritize my health to be the best version of myself?
  21. Have I planned a time of rest in my week to refresh, refocus, and reenergize?
  22. Do I confide in my friends or family members more than my husband?
  23. Do I freely and quickly apologize when I hurt my husband?
  24. Do I have healthy boundaries with members of the opposite sex?
  25. Would my husband find anything incriminating or hurtful in my email, text messages, or private social media communication?

What is one question you said no to that you can begin working to improve on this week?


What’s the first thing you notice about yourself when you look in the mirror?

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