What does it take to have a great marriage? For almost every couple, an unexpected moment of laughter, gentleness, respect, affirmation, and/or sexual connection can trigger a great day for your marriage, even in seasons of facing the toughest of situations. And we can choose to create those moments in our marriage.
Your marriage is not a statistic; it’s a story. Your habits—not data about other couples—determine that story’s details. And hope lies in the fact that you can choose healthy marriage habits to write the best story, no matter the condition of your marriage. Here are 3 habits that will change your marriage.
1. Having Serious Fun
We can get so serious with all the “important” things in our lives, but having a habit of having fun can change everything. When you routinely set aside the stuff that stresses you out and spend carefree time with your spouse, you’re reminded on a regular basis that you can actually enjoy each other’s company. It gives you both a break from problem-solving, parenting, and planning, which can break a marriage if we’re not careful. Fun often keeps us connected to our person.
2. Respect and Love
Marriages have their rhythms. We can choose to strengthen the good ones and stop the bad ones. Both spouses crave respect and love. But men are often hit harder by shame. When your husbands feel ashamed, for example, due to perceived failure, they might shut down, get defensive, or even lash out. This tends to make wives feel unheard, unloved, or unsafe. This fear can escalate the situation and lead to disconnection. Prioritizing respect and love allows us to break the cycle of shame, fear, and disconnection, creating a more connected marriage.
3. Practicing Your Promise
On your wedding day, you probably promised each other some pretty big things. Make a habit of living out those big promises in small ways that really matter. You likely vowed to love and to cherish your spouse for better, for worse—so do your part even if he’s not doing his. Refuse to keep score. Pick him up when he’s down. If he hates vacuuming, do it for him. If budgeting stresses him out, offer to manage the money. Make it your mission to treat him in ways that show him he is endlessly valuable (and he should be doing the same for you).
What healthy marriage habits can you start today to improve your relationship?
