My son sat on the floor in the foyer for 10 minutes one morning before school, attempting to tie his shoes. I could hear him saying random words like “bunny ears” and “through the tunnel.” When he finished, he looked at me with an expression that said, “Can this please count as tied?” His laces looked like they’d been caught in a blender, but quite honestly, those bad boys weren’t coming untied anytime soon. So, mission accomplished. I said, “Yep! Good enough!”
In the back of my mind, I knew he should’ve been able to tie his shoes a couple of years earlier, and I wanted to push him toward perfection. But I also saw how hard he tried. If we withhold all praise until our kids do things perfectly, they may just give up before they make it there. In our case, he’d be wearing velcro for the rest of his life. Here are 3 times your child might be due for a good pat on the back, even if there’s still room for improvement.
If we withhold all praise until our kids do things perfectly, they may just give up before they make it there. Click To Tweet1. She put in obvious effort.
If your child studied hard and still only made a C on the test, don’t discount that show of effort. Praise her hard work and make sure she knows you’re proud of how much study time she put in. Then take a look at her approach to studying for the test and see if next time there’s a way you can help her earn a grade that’s a better reflection of the effort she put in.
2. He showed measurable improvement.
My son just used to try to twist his shoelaces around each other and hope for the best. Bit by bit he got better and now there’s some resemblance to a bow. Some tasks are a long-term learning curve, like tying shoes or cleaning up a room. If your child is just learning to make the bed and this week’s covers are a little straighter and smoother than last week’s, acknowledge it! Trust us. With a little cheering and continued coaching, he’ll get it right one day soon. If you want to help motivate your kids or track their progress, we have a ton of cute printables, like our Progress Road Map.
3. She exhibited greater self-control.
Sometimes it’s not what our kids do that makes us proud—it’s what they don’t do. If your child has been struggling to practice self-control in an area like sibling conflict, take every opportunity to affirm what she is getting right even if conflict erupts anyway. Sometimes you heard and saw enough to know that she was really trying to avoid a fight, but the other sibling kept pushing. Settle the dispute, but acknowledge that you noticed she tried harder than before and that you appreciate that.
Don’t forget to check your expectations.
It’s important for us as parents to have realistic expectations of our children. We often expect performance from them that we couldn’t have produced at the same age just because of the hyper-competitive culture we live in. It’s important for us to understand that not every child is blessed with the talent to be the valedictorian or the star quarterback. Our job as parents is to encourage them to do their best—and then to be proud of that, whatever it looks like.
When is “pretty good” good enough in your family?
