Whether you’ve been married for months or for years, you likely have realized the pathway to great sex is more elusive than the fairy tale you once tightly clutched. Even so, seeking to build sexual connection that is mutually valued, pursued, and enjoyed is vital to a healthy marriage.
So much seems to rail against authentic sexual intimacy, whether it’s the skewed or naïve messages we’ve allowed to take root in our hearts or the endless distortion of sex in society. Is it possible to sift through all of that and arrive at authentic sexual intimacy in your marriage bed?
More often than not, yes!
But you have to be willing to lean in on tender and undeniable truths. Do you long for meaningful sexual connection with the man you married? Fulfillment of your heart’s longing may be closer than you once believed.
Three Ways to Build Authentic Sexual Intimacy
1. Embrace Healthy Expectations.
Authentic sexual intimacy is more appealing than mere romantic notions we see doled out in the media. When you and your husband pour yourselves into understanding each other sexually, you discover something that looks nothing like a romantic movie, but is actually quite better.
A key way to do this? Communicate about what you each enjoy sexually. This may feel awkward at first, but the more you nurture this personal communication, the stronger your relationship will become. When you both have healthy expectations about sex, you set in place a sexual foundation you can build upon your entire marriage.
2. Heal from Past Pain and Sexual Brokenness.
Often the greatest barrier to authentic sexual intimacy is our struggle in moving beyond the sexual pain of our past. That pain could be rooted in abuse, promiscuity, or skewed messages about what truly builds intimate sexual oneness.
Sadly, pornography also causes so much sexual discord, tarnishing the sexual oneness originally intended. We were made to enjoy each other sexually, but to do so free of the negative impact of illicit images.
If you’ve experienced sexual pain and brokenness, you definitely are not alone. Regardless of the circumstances that led to such pain, hope and healing is available.
Sex is intended to be passionate and foster exclusive intimacy within a marriage. This is not uncommon, and you’re not alone in this. Be proactive in finding resources that will help you address your sexual brokenness (whether it’s counseling, talking it through with your spouse, or other resources that a trusted source recommends), so you can heal and find breakthrough to authentic sexual intimacy.
3. Be Persistent in the Face of Sexual Difficulty.
All married couples encounter unforeseen sexual difficulty, whether it’s miscommunication, a challenging life season, relationship discord, or physical struggles.
Don’t let difficulties derail you. For example, for many wives experiencing orgasm can be a frustrating journey. Yet we know that when a husband and a wife both experience pleasure during sex, they tend to savor intimacy and go out of their way to nurture it.
If you struggle with having an orgasm, express to your husband various touches or positions that will make climaxing more likely. Tell him that the more the two of you learn together, the more enjoyable sex will be for both of you.
Honest communication like this is actually the best tool to identify any sexual difficulty in your marriage. Together, the two of you can find ways beyond difficulty and toward stronger sexual oneness.
What other ideas would you add to the list of ways to build authentic sexual intimacy?