Yes, there really are 36 questions you can ask to fall in love with anyone. Really. A research paper presented about 20 years ago found scientific evidence that a certain set of questions can lead to two people developing feelings of love for each other.
Okay, that’s a nice, optimistic bit of news if you’re in the dating world, but what if you’re a married lady wanting to rekindle some love in her marriage? Well, I’m a married lady and I went through the 36 questions with my husband. I found that they do create the sense of closeness the study found is needed for intimacy, but married couples have to lay down a few rules to get the best results.
So, here are the 36 questions to fall in love again with your husband, and the rules to go along with them!
Expect good results. Yes, you and your husband might be skeptical — mine was — but you don’t want to let that skepticism get in the way of connecting while you’re going through the questions. Researchers found that optimism that you will grow closer actually helps you grow closer while answering the questions.
Do not digress. When my husband and I answered the questions we veered off into old issues and grievances. For example, a question about describing your perfect day turned into complaints about why we couldn’t have a perfect day — work schedules, home obligations, etc. Stick to the question.
Break them up. If you can’t get through the questions in one sitting, that’s okay. Finally, when you get to the end of the questions, end your session by looking into each other’s eyes for four minutes.
- Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
- Would you like to be famous? In what way?
- Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
- What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
- When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
- If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
- Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
- Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
- For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
- If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
- Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
- If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
- If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
- Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
- What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
- What do you value most in a friendship?
- What is your most treasured memory?
- What is your most terrible memory?
- If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
- What does friendship mean to you?
- What roles do love and affection play in your life?
- Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
- How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
- How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
- Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling …”
- Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share …”
- If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
- Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
- Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
- When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
- Tell your partner something that you like about them.
- What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
- If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
- Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
- Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
- Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.