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5 Questions You Should Ask Your Husband

“How was your day?” I asked my husband as soon as he dropped his work bag at the door. His shoulders sagged and I knew his answer might be long. So as soon as he sighed and said, “OK,” I jumped on my next question: “Can you change the baby’s diaper while I take a quick shower?” He met my eyes, but before he could say another word, I took off calling, “Thanks, babe!” Yep. Not great. Even today, many years later, it’s hard not to launch into practical questions like, “Who’s going to pick up the kids from swim practice?” But if I want to be more than a logistics planner, I need to let my husband know he matters too.

Asking questions is a great way to tell another person you’re interested in him, especially if you wait for an answer. So, I’m trying to be more thoughtful with my husband and ask questions that show I care. Maybe he’ll pick up on my great idea and do the same! Here are 5 questions you should ask your husband to get things going.

1. What can I do more often to show I love you?

Even if you think you know the answer, ask anyway. After a little back and forth, my husband said, “Get the kids to bed earlier so we can spend more time together.” With evening swim meets and softball games, it’d been hard recently. And because the kids are older, their bedtime is later. I started to think how I could make this happen for my husband and it started with giving the kids more responsibilities at night.

2. What can I say more often to show I love you?

I was happy to hear my husband tell me I did a good job in this department. As I stared at him, waiting for more of an answer, he finally shook his head and said, “I can’t come up with anything. You do a good job.” I didn’t intend to receive a compliment from asking my husband this question, but it was nice, nonetheless. It turns out if you ask one of these questions, you might learn what you’re doing well. And then you can focus on the areas your husband needs more.

3. What can I do for you this week to make your life easier?

“Keep doing what you’re doing. Keep helping out with driving the kids. The big things you do.” My husband paused. “Maybe more dishes.” OK. Dishes. We both did dishes throughout the week, but I’ll admit he usually does more. And you might think it’s because I cook all week, but I don’t. My husband cooks more than I do. So, I could see where he’d be tired of doing both tasks. I decided to try stepping in on the nights he cooked. He could check on the kids’ homework while I got to scrubbing. I want to show him I listened to his answer and that I’m loving him through my actions.

4. What do you want more of in our marriage?

“More time alone with you in general,” my husband responded. “That’s what I want.” A theme had emerged. We may joke about men only wanting one thing, but there’s more to it than that. They want to feel loved too. Many men are sensitive to the other parts of a relationship including a desire to simply be close to someone and to feel needed. I have a friend whose husband likes to watch basketball in the evenings, and she told me he likes it when she joins him on the couch, even if she’s working on a scrapbook or organizing photos on her laptop. “The squeaky shoes on the court drive me nuts,” she told me. “But I know he likes it when I’m there with him.” He likes her company, and she makes him feel loved in this little way.

5. Do you really know how much I love you? (Tell him!)

“Yes,” my husband said when I asked this question. But maybe your husband doesn’t feel a need to answer and gets a look in his eye instead that says, “Show me.” Either way, we have to remember our husbands like to hear these three little words just like we do—and our kids do. Knowing you’re loved gives you a sense of belonging and contentment. And if your husband says he doesn’t know? Perhaps then it’s a deeper conversation the two of you need to have. Be glad he’s honest. It might be the first step to something better between you.

Knowing you’re loved gives you a sense of belonging and contentment. Click To Tweet

Are there more good questions you should ask your husband today or this week?

Want an article to share with your husband? Send him 5 Questions to Ask Your Wife from All Pro Dad.

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