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5 Signs You Are a Controlling Wife

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My husband and I were having a mild discussion about a project that needed to be done outside. That discussion quickly turned into a not-so-mild argument. Eyes began to roll and tones turned cold. “Just go finish the deck. We can talk about this later!” I snapped at my husband as I turned away to get our daughter from her nap. And that’s when it happened. My husband yelled at me for the first time in our almost four years of marriage.

“NO! Stop thinking I am going to bend at your every command!” I could tell this had been buried inside him for some time, and hearing those words absolutely broke me. It isn’t that I had transformed into a controlling wife over time. I now knew I had always been one. Thankfully, we have since apologized, but his words stuck with me. Because he is right. I am a controlling wife. Here are 5 signs you may be a controlling wife, too.

1. You rarely apologize first.

After disagreements with your husband blow over, are you ever the first to make amends? Or do you wait for him to come groveling back to you with apologies? If you find yourself absolutely refusing to be the one to “fold” after an argument—especially if you are the one who should apologize first— you could have a control issue.

2. His unhappiness inconveniences you.

We all have bad days. We can’t always be happy, right? If you expect your husband to love you unconditionally on days you’re feeling cranky, anxious, or sad, but you don’t give him the same courtesy, you might be a controlling wife.

3. Your husband’s schedule is subject to your approval.

I firmly believe we should always check in with our spouses before officially putting things on the calendar. But there is a line. You might be controlling if you find yourself micromanaging your husband’s personal—or even work—schedule by adding or canceling things without his approval. If your husband is hesitant to plan time for himself or to see his buddies because of how you’re going to react, that’s another sign.

4. You don’t ask for his input.

Do you care to know your husband’s opinion? Whether it’s about something you heard in the news or what movie he’d be interested in seeing, do you ask for his input? If you find yourself not caring to know his opinion because the only one that matters to you is yours, then it’s possible you’re too controlling.

5. It’s your way or the highway.

Whether making plans for the weekend, purchasing décor for your house, or even deciding how you should raise your children, if your way is the only “good” way, then you’re probably a controlling wife.

Recognizing the problem is the first step in fixing it. What are some other red flags that could signal a controlling spouse?


What can I do to help when you feel sad or worried?

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