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5 Ways to Help Your Kids Handle Jealousy

Jealousy in children is natural. All parents expect “I wish I had a bike like his!” or “She always gets the lead in the play!” But how can you prepare for “Why can’t our family be like theirs?”

As single moms, we can’t fix our children’s pain, whether it’s because a father has passed away or a father has never been there. When our children are jealous of two-parent families, you might think all you can do is say you’re sorry that this is the way things are. But there are better responses. Here are 5 (They might make you feel better too!).

1. Remind them that no family is perfect.

Jealousy in children and adults often springs up because we imagine someone else’s life to be free of struggles, annoyances, or pain. Remind your kids that two-parent homes aren’t perfect either. We don’t know what other families are going through. When our kids realize everyone is dealing with their own issues, they’ll begin to lean toward compassion instead of jealousy.

2. Explain that sadness is OK.

In her book Going It Alone: Meeting the Challenges of Being a Single Mom, Michelle Howe says all people have “empty heart places” that can cause pain. You can fight against jealousy by helping your child understand that many things in life can bring a feeling of emptiness. Sadness is OK. It helps us know what love is. Help your child see that she’s not alone in her feelings of sadness or emptiness.

3. Focus on gratitude.

Jealousy in children isn’t much different from what we experience as adults. It’s rooted in forgetfulness. We’ve forgotten all we have to be grateful for. When I start to feel jealous, I try to come up with three things I’m thankful for. When our kids recall the good in their lives, it doesn’t make the sadness go away completely, but it does help fill the happiness bucket.

4. Encourage married couples to visit.

Howe also suggests inviting your married friends to become involved in your children’s lives so they can see other healthy families interact. You might invite another family over for dinner or attend events together. Your children will find comfort in their own “imperfect” single-parent family as they honestly get to know other “imperfect” two-parent families.

5. Reroute jealousy by helping others.

A surefire way to squash jealousy in children is to get out and help people. Serving others encourages children to move their focus from their own needs to the needs of others. It shows them they aren’t alone in pain and hardship and helps them develop compassion.

What do you do when your kids start to show signs of jealousy of other families?

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