My sister’s friends in high school had a nickname for my mom: Radar. If my sister wanted to do something she shouldn’t, they’d tease her and say, “Better not! Radar will find out.” And most of the time, she did. My mom was well aware of the wide array of trouble that teenagers could get into. She also tried to be empathetic about teenage emotional development and teenage problems.
Dr. Walt Larimore, a Duke-trained family physician, describes the basis for teenage problems like this: “Teens are in the midst of wild hormonal gyrations and struggle to interpret their world accurately. Teens are not only hormonally challenged; they are socially challenged too. Their greatest anxiety is the possibility of rejection or humiliation by their friends or peers.” And while he says that teens are heavily influenced by their friends, he also says that you still “hold an enormous influence over your teens” and that “you are the key to reducing teenage problems.” Here are 6 practical things Dr. Larimore says you can do to support your teen’s well-being.
1. Have regular family routines.
Teens are dealing with a lot of instability. Having regular routines gives them a sense of security and solid ground in a world that appears chaotic. Even something as routine as family meals is “related to higher self-esteem in adolescents.” But don’t stress about perfect or even ideal meals. Try theme nights like Meatball Mondays, Taco Tuesdays, or Cereal Saturday. The key is to give them something reliable in their lives.
2. Spend time together.
On one hand, they may be pushing you away, but most teens still want to spend time with their parents. Time together makes them feel cared for. Time together can be as basic as watching a show, running errands with you, or just talking. We have more than 20 teen conversation starter printables to get you started.
3. Have high involvement.
Involvement lets your teens know they are not alone and they are worth your time. This Hands-On Parents printable has concrete examples of what an involved mom looks like. The tips were developed by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University.
4. Supervise closely.
Supervising closely is another way of saying being aware of what’s going on in your teenager’s life. In a study co-authored by Dr. Robert Blum of Johns Hopkins, Dr. Blum calls this awareness “connectedness,” and says that connected parents, among other things, know their children’s friends, are “engaged with their learning,” and know where they are most of the time—something lots of parents accomplish with apps!
5. Communicate and praise often.
Teens live under constant pressure of wanting to be liked and accepted. When you communicate with your teen (which includes a lot of listening) and give them positive feedback, you’ll improve their mood and help them develop a “more positive general self-view,” which will bolster their ability to withstand the pressure they feel. Sprinkle in some of these 20 compliments as your teen navigates teenage problems.
6. Give warm support with high demands.
Teens whose parents offer warm support alongside high demands for appropriate behavior tend to be content, self-reliant, and self-controlled. In other words, set the bar, but be gracious and loving when they miss the mark. Think of yourself as a caring teacher with a student that needs help.
This approach follows the authoritative parenting style, and it’s a solid way to relate to teens. Here are its basics.
Many parents seem surprised to learn that their teens still care about their approval. But a parent’s role in instilling values in teens remains one of the most influential aspects of parenting and helps young adults deal with teenage problems.
What do you think teens need most from their parents?
Walt Larimore, M.D., has been called “one of America’s best-known family physicians.” He is a nationally known, sought-after speaker and health expert.
