I love Facebook. I really do. Even though it’s out of style with my kids, I love scrolling through friends’ posts and seeing memories pop up. And it’s great for keeping up with friends’ birthdays. It’s saved me a couple of times this month already. But one thing Facebook is not so great for is marriages. In fact, it’s cited as the major source of evidence in many divorce proceedings.
If you’re married and on Facebook, there are some things you can do to protect your relationship. Here are 7 Facebook rules for couples.
1. No Secrets
Your Facebook page and account should be an open book. If you haven’t already, sit down with your husband tonight and share your account info with each other—usernames, passwords, everything. You should also be able to go onto each other’s pages whenever you want. No questions asked.
2. No Blasts From the Past
So you’re sitting at your computer one night when you get a Facebook message. Your old boyfriend from ninth grade has found you! While it’s flattering that he still remembers you, don’t go down memory lane. If you want to say hi, tell your husband first and let him be an obvious part of the reconnection. Hi, Mike! Nice to hear from you! I told my husband you got in touch and about some of the fun we all had back then. Take care!
If you feel tempted to respond further, take a look at these 10 Ways to Affair Proof Your Marriage.
3. No Detective Work
The blast from the past rule works both ways. Don’t reconnect with guys who are looking for you, and don’t go looking for them. I know it might sound like overkill, but what’s the point? If you find him and he’s now a successful, drop-dead gorgeous millionaire who’s single, you might be tempted to connect. Or, if he’s married, think about how his wife would feel about you seeking out her husband.
4. No Private Messaging
If you have male friends on Facebook, keep all communication out in the open.
5. No Facebook Daydreaming
It’s easy to see posts about what other husbands are doing for their wives and start thinking your husband is a dud. Other women’s husbands are taking them on romantic getaways! Buying them expensive jewelry! Watching the kids so they can have a girls’ weekend! But remember, no husband is perfect, and even Prince Charming probably leaves his dirty clothes crumpled up on the floor.
So focus on the good things about your own husband and try these 13 Ways to Love Well in Marriage.
No husband is perfect, and even Prince Charming probably leaves his dirty clothes crumpled up on the floor. Click To Tweet6. No Facebook—Period
OK, since most of us are on Facebook and enjoy it, this would be a pretty drastic measure. Still, it’s an option to consider. Mega-Mensa couple Marilyn vos Savant (of the Ask Marilyn column) and Robert Jarvik (who pioneered the artificial heart) told Parade Magazine that they don’t do Facebook. They describe spending time on social media as an “I” thing. If your work and kids pull you away from each other, is Facebook bringing you back together or providing another distraction?
7. Non-Negotiable Relationship Status
The only option for your relationship status is married.
Do you and your husband have any Facebook rules?
