Most couples don’t mean to let their physical connection fade. It just happens while we’re managing everything else. For example, you tell yourself you’ll reconnect this weekend, or that things will slow down after this month, or after the school year ends. And once the kids sleep through the night, you’ll have energy for intimacy again.
But “later” keeps getting pushed back, and meanwhile, the gap between you and your husband keeps growing. You go from newlywed passion to wondering when you last felt desired, and you can’t pinpoint exactly when things changed. The culprit is usually one (or more) of these 7 sneaky habits that are slowly killing your sex life.
1. Laziness
Having sex is like working out. It takes energy, initiative, and sometimes planning, but your marriage will be healthier when it happens regularly. Both spouses should do what they can to make it happen. You may be tired or fear being rejected, but don’t stop initiating sex.
2. Complacency
Sex can become predictable after a number of years. It’s easy to fall into a habit of doing the same old, same old. It may be time to switch things up. Change the order, get adventurous, and try new things.
3. Lack of Communication
One of the first things to suffer from a lack of communication in a marriage is a couple’s sex life. Never stop communicating. Share your emotions, fears, and hurts. Talk about your relationship often. Talk about your sex life, what you like, and what turns you on. Talk during sex (men love that). Whatever you do, never stop communicating.
4. Thinking and Speaking Negatively About Your Body
When you constantly criticize how you look (whether out loud or in your head), it’s nearly impossible to feel confident and desirable in the bedroom. Negative self-talk is a massive intimacy killer. Your husband isn’t scrutinizing your stretch marks or the number on the scale the way you are.
Instead of focusing on what you wish were different, try accepting that he genuinely desires you exactly as you are. Confidence is attractive, and it starts with how you talk to yourself.
5. Co-Sleeping With the Kids
In my opinion, it’s OK to occasionally have a child sleep in your room. There’s nothing wrong with a kiddo sneaking in during a thunderstorm or after a nightmare. But when it becomes a habit, it can create problems for your health and the health of your marriage. Your bedroom needs to be reserved for you and your spouse.
6. Pornography
Some people have claimed that porn saves marriages, but data doesn’t support that. A longitudinal study published in Archives of Sexual Behavior tracked couples over six years and found that pornography use was one of the strongest predictors of declining marital quality over time.
For every claim of marriage being “helped” by pornography, thousands of marriages and lives are damaged by it. It is dangerous and divisive. If you or your husband are struggling, do what you can to get help and break the habit.
7. Too Much Phone Scrolling
We’re all guilty of it—checking Instagram one more time, scrolling TikTok in bed, or disappearing into our phones after dinner. But brainrot kills intimacy. When you’re both staring at screens instead of each other, your marriage and your sex life suffer. Try putting phones away an hour before bed. The notifications can wait.
What habits have you started that have helped your sex life?
