“It would be super fun!” I said to my husband of eight months. He raised one skeptical eyebrow but said OK. So, I signed us up for swing dance lessons. But at the first class, we kept bumping into each other and forgetting our steps. As a result, the lessons ended up feeling less like fun and more like a mistake. But they did teach us something. We’ve figured out since then how to move more in sync. Whatever pops up in life, we can handle it if we work on our steps—together.
Working with your spouse to get the steps right and stay (somewhat) in sync takes practice… and patience. And viewing marriage as a partnership fosters greater happiness for you both. Here are 5 ways to master the marriage dance with your husband.
1. Be comfortable with each other’s playlist.
If his playlist consists of loud, wailing songs, you might get irritated with his music constantly playing on the house speakers (Enough AC/DC, already!). But what about the music of life? If he’s spontaneous and you’re a planner, you know what I mean. And what about his need for a quiet night in while you’re feeling a date night out? Or things like different tastes in food, personal boundaries with family members, parenting styles, or even sleep habits? His playlist—or his way of doing things—might not be to your liking. But being flexible and adaptable with each other helps you stay in sync.
Try things his way now and then, and you might find he’s more willing to give your preferences a try. It might also make you both happier if you view marriage as a partnership, rather than a competition.
2. Find your rhythm.
If you’ve been married for five or 10 years already, you might have fallen into a rhythm with your husband. But is it a good one? If you regularly talk about what’s bothering you and are intentional about spending kid-free time with each other, then you’ve probably hit your groove. But chances are, if you have young children, you might need to do more to get back in step. It starts with better communication.
Challenge yourself to send a loving text to your husband each day that doesn’t include an errand request or complaint about a child. And before bed, spend a few minutes asking questions about your husband’s day, and sharing about yours.
3. Dance through missteps.
I remember those newlywed dance lessons, and the memory makes me cringe—not because of my husband’s missteps but because of my reaction to them. I wanted our moves to be perfect and effortless. But they were anything but. The thing is most new things aren’t easy, from becoming parents for the first time to picking out the right brand of butter. We all make mistakes. And forgiving the other for stepping on your toes or dropping you during a dip is all part of the marriage dance.
Have patience with yourself and your spouse. Forgive yourself and him when missteps inevitably happen.
4. Lift each other up.
If your friend needed you, you’d be there in a heartbeat. But why is it we sometimes don’t see when our spouses need a kind word? Or a hug? Marriage as a partnership works best when both halves lift the other up. This means respecting each other’s interests, jobs, and perspectives. It means supporting the other through good times (“You got a promotion!”) and bad (“I’ll call the doctor for you.”) It’s called a marriage dance because we are moving together through everything that life brings our way.
For lasting love in a dance that never ends, there must be mutual respect and love. Keep your eyes open to really see each other and what you both need.
5. Choreograph the future.
Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be! I love this quote from English poet Robert Browning. It’s filled with so much hope, something most of us have in abundance when we walk down the aisle. But five or more years later, is it still there? The best is yet to be? If you want the best for your relationship, make the effort. Share with your husband the dreams you have for your family and yourself. Listen to his. Then work to fulfill those goals together.
Looking at marriage as a partnership, what would you and your husband pick as your theme song? Remember, both of you would have to agree!
