You’ve seen her thumbs run wild on her phone. And you’ve spotted her smiling to herself, biting her lower lip as she gets a ping and reads a response. Her eyes definitely light up with certain messages, and she seems extra concerned about her appearance these days. (Fit check, Mom?) You have a pretty strong suspicion that she and a boy are “talking.” I mean, she doesn’t look that flushed talking to her BFF.
You’ve heard of other teens dating in your kid’s social circle, and now it might be your teen’s turn. Gulp. Whether you have a daughter or a son, let’s teach our teens to avoid these 5 common relationship mistakes so they can enjoy this exciting time but also come out of it all the wiser.
1. She ditches her friends for her boyfriend.
Attached at the hip. That’s what we used to say in high school about friends who were never without their boyfriends. With teens dating, let’s teach our kids they need to maintain their friendships too. Boyfriends and girlfriends will come and go, but loyal friends are hard to find. Learning how to balance different relationships is important and a part of growing up.
Being exclusive with a significant other could also be a slippery slope as two young people draw closer. Teens sometimes think certain sexual expectations come with dating, and then physical boundaries get pushed. Dating shouldn’t be a time of sexual pressure and pushing limits. Talk with your teen about dating in high school as a time of getting to know what they value in a relationship, not about getting in over their heads.
2. He shares personal information about his girlfriend with friends.
I’m sure none of us were perfect teens. I remember hanging out at my friend’s locker, giggling about her new relationship. But these days, relationships have also moved online. Teens flirt with photos, video clips, and comments, and personal information can become public knowledge fast. Feelings can get hurt in a more public way too.
Talk to your child about privacy and what that looks like to your family. And with teens dating, be sure to remind your son or daughter that respect and trust are important in any relationship. They may be excited and want to share information with friends (or the world), but it’s a mistake if the other person isn’t on board or doesn’t know.
3. She sacrifices her interests for his.
It sounds like a cliché, but it’s not: I read this year about a cheerleader who followed her star quarterback boyfriend to college and now to the NFL. I can tell from all the splashy pictures the two are in love. But I can’t help but wonder what her life would’ve been like if she could’ve followed her own dreams instead of his.
Adolescence is a time of big growth. Latching on to another person and taking on their interests throughout high school doesn’t give your child the time to figure out who he or she is. With our teens dating, our role should be to encourage them to follow their interests and even encourage time alone to figure out what those are.
4. He’s jealous of her other relationships.
Sure, if your teen reads comments online between his girlfriend and another boy, he might feel a little jealous. But if that jealousy turns into possessiveness, it’s taking things too far. “Sometimes, teens who are jealous make demands such as a partner no longer use social media or no longer wear certain types of clothing that might attract attention,” says Amy Morin, LCSW. This level of possessiveness isn’t healthy.
If you suspect your teen or his or her significant other is acting in a controlling way, it’s important to step in. Sit with your son or daughter and talk about what a healthy relationship looks like. Ask questions and listen when your teen opens up. Your guidance can help set teens up for a healthy dating life now and in the future.
5. She picks petty fights.
Why do you always sit with your friends at assemblies and not me? My friend showed me the text her son forwarded from his girlfriend. She said the girlfriend had started picking fights with him, and her son didn’t know why.
Conflicts are a normal part of any relationship, but if petty fights keep cropping up, there could be a couple reasons. A teen might want attention and thinks it’s the only way to get it. Or she might have trouble communicating her feelings. But if there’s fighting, it could also mean the relationship isn’t working anymore and needs to end. Coach your teen through the breakup and how to do it in an amicable way. This too is a skill, and your guidance could help him not only with this relationship but those still ahead of him.
How are things going if you have teens dating in your home?
