The creak of the floorboard gave Ellery away. Recently, my daughter’s radar ears constantly scanned the house for talks behind closed doors, just in case those muffled mumblings involved mention of her upcoming birthday. This time, though, her ears walked in on a squabble between me and Clay about bills and budgets. And I’d just spat a not-so-nice comment about his money management.
Arguments happen between married people. And in a family, they often bubble up in front of our kids, which sometimes means they overhear us exchanging unkind words in the heat of the moment. If that’s happened to you, take steps to fill their ears with good words and an even better example of a healthy marriage. Grab a hold of these 6 nice things to say about your husband (or to him!) and raise your voice loud enough for the kids to hear.
1. “I was wrong.”
Full disclosure, I like to be right. So, saying those three little words can be an internal battle for me. But, it’s one worth fighting. After all, in a marriage, we’re on the same team. Same goes for you. My husband, a licensed professional counselor and counseling professor, teaches, “You can win the argument, or you can win the relationship. You can’t do both.” And, he’s right.
Why your child needs to hear you say it: When your child hears you tell your husband you were wrong, you show her what it looks like to own up to your mistakes in a relationship. You also give your child an example of how to take responsibility for a mistake.
2. “I’m sorry.”
In families, kids often hear disagreements between parents but don’t always see the steps we take to mend. It can leave children with the misconception that in a marriage, you never need to tell your spouse you’re sorry because everything just settles down on its own. But, that’s not true. Loving someone does mean having to apologize when you’ve hurt him in some way and receiving his forgiveness. According to a research overview published in the Journal of Family Relations, asking for and giving forgiveness is one of the most significant factors in happy marriages.
Why your child needs to hear you say it: Closing the loop on an argument teaches your child how to ask for and receive forgiveness in a marriage. Plus, it lets your kids see that Mom and Dad are OK.
3. “I love you.”
“Duh,” as a preteen would say with a little dab of sarcasm. You probably already say these three little words in front of your kids all of the time, but keep the “I love yous” coming.
Why your child needs to hear you say it: As your child gets older, she may ask you to stop being so “gross” when you kiss each other goodbye or say “I love you.” However, being equipped with the knowledge you love each other gives your child a solid sense of security and provides a clear example of what a loving and affectionate relationship looks like.
4. “You are so good at…”
You and your husband both bring unique talents, skills, and pools of knowledge into your relationship. Fill up your husband’s love tank by giving him a compliment about what he does well. (It’s one of those things he craves, but won’t ask you for!) “You’re so good at building forts!” “You’re the best at telling jokes.” “You give the best hugs.”
And, have you ever thought about nice things to say about your husband when he isn’t even around to hear them (but your kids are)? Try it the next time you grab a bite to eat without him. “This burger is good, but no one grills better than your dad!”
Why your child needs to hear you say it: When she hears you compliment him, you demonstrate admiration for your spouse and his unique contributions to the family. Plus, your child learns to recognize and verbalize positive qualities in others.
5. “I like you.”
Being in the “friend zone” isn’t a bad thing in marriage. While love is crucial, liking your husband as a person adds depth and enjoyment to your relationship. Expressing that you genuinely enjoy hanging out together, appreciate his personality, and find him interesting reinforces the bond of friendship that can sustain your marriage through whatever comes between now and “death do you part.”
Why your child needs to hear you say it: Loving and liking your husband are related but not the same thing. When your child hears you say “I like you,” you teach your child the value of friendship in a marriage.
6. “You’re a great dad.”
You know how you sometimes doubt yourself as a mom? Well, even though he might not say it aloud, your husband occasionally feels like a failure as a parent, too. But both of you are perfectly imperfect for your child. Telling your husband that he’s a great dad bolsters his confidence which leads to him being an even better dad!
Why your child needs to hear you say it: This statement shows your child that you respect and appreciate your husband’s abilities as a father. By the way, this one is another of those nice things to say about your husband when he’s not around (and when he is!).
What’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to your husband in front of the kids?
