As I made dinner, my sons sat at the kitchen counter holding red and green markers. They took turns writing on a sheet of construction paper labeled “Christmas Bucket List!” At first, their ideas made me smile. “Watch Home Alone!” “Drink egg nog!” Then I heard, “Build a snowman!” Wait. What? We live in Florida. And “Ride a reindeer.” Is that a thing people do? As the list grew longer, my smile drooped. This bucket was filling with ideas that were fun but not doable.
I want my kids to enjoy the holidays, but I’ve noticed the bucket list is backfiring on us. Mainly me. So this year, I’ve decided to do an experiment and ditch the list. Here’s why, along with our idea for how to enjoy Christmas when the only list the kids write is the one they send to Santa.
How Our Bucket Lists Have Gotten Out of Hand
The first time I heard the term was in 2007 when the Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman movie “The Bucket List” came out. I understood it to be a list of things you dreamed of doing while you still had life to live. How inspiring! I put, “Watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade from Herald Square” on my mental list. But I’ve noticed that (with the best of intentions), we’ve pinned bucket lists to every occasion and filled them up with ideas that range from basic to “ride a reindeer.”
Don’t get me wrong, I love a list. My kids’ summer bucket list helped us be unlazy and try creative things their imaginations conjured up. But a bucket list adds an element of pressure because of an invisible ticking clock. Tick, tick, tick! Do what’s on the list or you’ve left your life/season/holiday unfinished. Plus, a classic bucket list gives you years to check things off, not 25 days.
What the List Screams at Me From My Fridge
When I walk by the red and green list hanging on the fridge I hear, They’ll be disappointed if you don’t check one of my boxes this weekend! In fact, why aren’t you doing something right now? Then as Christmas gets closer, I focus more on what’s left incomplete than what we’ve done, and thoughts like “other moms are better at this” creep in.
And if I get the feeling we need a cozy fireplace-and-a-movie kind of weekend, the list shouts, There’s no time for that! You’ve got snowman cookies to bake! It takes any space left open in the month and crams it full like an overstuffed turkey.
How to Enjoy Christmas Without the List
Do I need better boundaries with my Christmas bucket list? Probably. I call the shots here, pal, not you! But I’m going to try something new this year. We’re gonna take it one week at a time. Each week, we’ll have an informal family meeting with a Christmas-only agenda, catered with cocoa, mini marshmallows, and candy canes.
You might be thinking, “Wow, you’re dropping the list and adding… a meeting. Cool.” I hear you, and I see your sarcasm font. If the meeting wouldn’t work with your family or it just feels like more to schedule, skip it. But don’t skip the conversation.
At our meeting, I’ll get out the calendar and ask these questions:
- What’s one Christmasey thing you’d like to do this week?
- What super simple thing can we do to share the Christmas spirit this week? (Pack an extra snack for a classmate, clear the dinner table without being asked, pay for the person behind us in the drive-thru.)
- Is there a family tradition we haven’t done yet that you really want to do?
- What do Mom and Dad have on their calendars that might affect what we have time for?
- What day or time do we want to keep open this week?
My Hope for the Holiday
We might still feel pressure to squeeze every drop of fun out of the month, but I’ve learned that clearer communication between parents and kids usually helps manage expectations and reveal actual desires (instead of what a bucket list brainstorm might produce). As we gather around our kitchen table to discuss how to enjoy Christmas and what makes Christmas special to each of us, we’ll get a chance to listen, consider other’s feelings and energy levels, practice compromising, and celebrate small things that make our family special.
If your family writes a Christmas bucket list, what’s your goal? Do you try to get everything done or just use it for ideas?
