What is the manosphere?
The manosphere is a group of online spaces focused on men’s issues, often criticized for being anti-feminist, sexist, and promoting extreme ideas about masculinity, according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary. It’s especially popular among young men and boys, particularly those who have low self-esteem, have been rejected socially, or who go online searching for answers to their problems.
If you’ve seen Netflix’s Adolescence, heard of the misogynist influencer Andrew Tate, or read about toxic masculinity, you’re aware there’s a negative cultural shift affecting some boys, particularly those who spend a lot of time online where the manosphere thrives. So, what are the warning signs your son has been influenced by the manosphere? Here are 9 red flags and what to do next.
1. His attitude has changed.
If your son’s become more defensive, combative, or angry in recent months, you might want to investigate the reason why. Be curious and inquisitive about how he spends his time online. With normal teenage behavior, you’ll see mood swings that come and go. But a major attitude shift that shuts down discussion and is rooted in a more aggressive, sarcastic attitude could be something else.
2. He regularly wipes his online history.
If he knows you like to periodically check in on him, he might delete his history on sites such as YouTube. If this happens, tell your son you’re concerned and want to account for his hours online. Warn him that if he doesn’t stop deleting his history and comply, he’ll lose his device for a time.
3. He has a new vocabulary.
If he uses terms like red pill, 80/20 rule, AMOG, alpha, sigma, AWALT, white knight, incel, or others you don’t understand, do a search to figure out their meaning. Then, ask him where he learned these words and why he thinks they’re OK.
4. He’s dismissive toward women.
It might be his attitude toward teachers, his female classmates, or even you. Does he call girls or women Stacys, Beckys, or gold-diggers? Does he refer to women as simply “females?” If he seems to have newfound contempt for women and girls, ask him where he’s heard these views, and then push back against them. Having a conversation that challenges him to rethink these beliefs can help.
5. He trivializes feelings.
The manosphere discourages boys and men from showing vulnerability or emotions like sadness and compassion. Instead, it expects them to appear tough and in control. So, if your boy rolls his eyes when you want to talk about his feelings, or trivializes someone else’s emotions as “weakness,” you need to have a talk.
6. His views about equality are extreme.
Has your boy made comments about your role in the home? Has he compared your salary to his dad’s if you work? In the manosphere, toxic influencer Andrew Tate “positions himself as a ‘realist’ about issues of gender,” according to research published in Sage Journals. Conversations with boys in this study found they reflected “Tate’s messaging that men are somehow victims as part of increasing gender equality.” And members of the manosphere want to take back and assert power for men.
7. He spends more time isolated, and his online hours have increased.
If he’s spending more time online by himself, you might want to set new screen time limits—and pull him back into family activities. The voices kids hear most shape them. And if the voices are coming from YouTube, Reddit, Discord or other sites that reflect values different from your family’s, you need to change that.
8. He has no female friends.
He may be on the shy or quiet side, but if he also doesn’t want female friends, it might indicate something more. The manosphere’s messaging is that women have acquired too many rights and freedoms, and as a result, they’ve stolen opportunities and power from men. Not wanting female friends might be a sign of misogynistic thinking.
9. He has no filter.
He says what he thinks about women and girls and doesn’t see his views as out of line. If he has soaked up the beliefs espoused by influencers like Andrew Tate and the manosphere, he’s going to view them as normal and not filter his language in different company.
A final word: If your son has picked up a few of these behaviors, it’s probably time to make changes in your home around online activity. But if he respects women and girls, you shouldn’t feel overly alarmed. Having awareness of the manosphere, and engaging in regular conversations about your son’s viewing habits, will help keep him safe and your connection strong as he grows.
What advice can you give other moms who worry that the manosphere may be influencing their sons?
