Many boys grow up thinking they need to look tough to fit in and be a man. They think that showing sadness or vulnerability is a sign of weakness. But this “boys don’t cry mentality” turns them into “prisoners of their emotions” and hurts their mental health and wellbeing. They bury feelings and don’t speak up when they’re struggling. Unlike girls, boys are less likely to seek help. We need to teach our boys that expressing real emotions is good for them and is a big part of male mental health.
If you want to help a teenager with mental health issues, teaching him to express his feelings is a good place to start. Here are 5 risks boys face by hiding their feelings and what you can do to help.
1. Suppressing emotions can increase stress.
Keep a lid on it. Not terrible advice in some situations, but if your son always keeps a lid on his emotions, stress can build up. Emotions such as empathy, disappointment, sadness, and fear are the ones most boys keep hidden, while anger is the one emotion that feels allowed. Maybe they think they’ll be judged. But keeping these big feelings inside, says Healthline, can lead to lots of stress and anxiety.
You can help: Validate his feelings. Tell him, It’s OK to be sad. I get that. Over time, validating how your son feels can improve his emotional well-being and decrease his stress.
2. Burying sadness inside can create pent-up anger.
“Why are you mad at me?” I asked my son. It turns out a friend had been excluding him from a conversation at swim practice. And now, he was upset with me for simply asking about practice. If a teen boy feels sadness, it can become snappiness and anger toward others. Suddenly, little annoyances and minor issues become big explosions.
You can help: Tell your son that everyone feels sadness at times. It’s normal and usually passes. Strong male mental health includes a range of emotions and being able to express them. Hug your boy. Wrap your arms around him and let him know he can talk about whatever’s bothering him.
3. Hiding real feelings can hurt friendships.
Buried feelings can isolate boys. “Bottling up our emotions prevents us from discussing our needs…and prevents us from truly connecting with others,” says VeryWell Mind. Emotions are a major part of who we are. When our boys hide emotions, they’re covering up their true selves, and this can keep friendships at a distance.
You can help: Talk about your own feelings when you’re around your son and have your husband do the same: I’m so disappointed my friend cancelled our get-together. I was looking forward to it. Or, I’m hurt by what you said. Or, Watching the news really makes me sad. Help your son see that expressing emotions is what makes us authentic and real. Relationships are built on seeing others as they truly are.
4. Not living authentically could lead to regret later on.
Some boys think looking tough is the goal. Who would want to be around a guy who’s weak? But emotions are what connect people. If boys are too afraid to show their true feelings, they may end up lonely, without someone who truly knows them. Now is the time to learn how to be vulnerable with others, but also to discern who to trust. We can guide our sons and help them practice showing emotions. By learning who they can trust and how to share their feelings, they’ll be better prepared to someday get along well with co-workers and also enter into a loving marriage.
You can help: Fight this cultural myth about looking weak. Good male mental health necessitates sharing how he feels. Speak the truth to your son so he hears it loud and clear: Real men show emotions. It takes courage to be vulnerable. Friendships are built on trusting others with your feelings.
5. Pushing down tough feelings can lead to depression.
Boy moms, here’s the bad news: “When emotions remain unaddressed, they can build up and become more complicated, leading to a sense of loneliness and low self-worth,” says FHE Health. This isn’t surprising with the current male loneliness epidemic. Hiding emotions can lead to loneliness, which can, in turn, lead to depression. And though this can happen to anyone, boys who hide emotions are more likely to develop depression than girls. Talking to your son about his feelings is one way to help him if he’s struggling.
You can help: We play a big role in our boys’ lives. Draw him out. Ask about things that are important to him. How do you feel about that? How did you feel when your friend said that? Also, encourage friendships with other kids his age. Having a supportive social network can help your son when things get tough.
If you want to help a teenager with mental health issues, you might start by asking him about his feelings. Balanced male mental health is vital for living a good life. What do you do with your son to draw him out?
