How can someone so small make you so angry? I mean, really, did you ever think a four-year-old would be able to push your buttons so expertly? And why is it that you can control your temper with 99% of the people you interact with, but your kids can have you pulling your hair out and fighting to hold your tongue in about two minutes flat?
If you want to know how to control anger with kids and learn to express it wisely, remember that when we get angry, we need to do everything in our power not to harm our children—physically or emotionally. Instead, here are 3 things you can do when you’re about to lose it with your kids.
1. Stop and assess.
When you feel your blood boiling, stop whatever you’re on the verge of doing or saying and ask yourself, What’s really going on here to make me angry? Does it actually have anything to do with your child? Assess whether your anger is caused by fatigue, hunger, stress, or someone else in your life. If something your child is doing is the culprit, consider if his behavior is the norm for his age. If it is, maybe you’re expecting too much from him. Before you lose your temper with your child, try to examine where your anger is coming from.
Once you zero in on the cause, do your best to put the anger aside and deal with the trigger. You’ll also want to identify what kind of angry mom you are. There are four types of angry moms, and the one to aim for is the mature or assertive responder.
2. Examine the big picture.
Is it really your child who’s the problem when she makes you angry, or is it the way you’re parenting? I don’t mean to sound harsh, but if your child does something over and over again that makes you mad, perhaps you need to reexamine how you’re handling that issue. Do you need to move your action point (learn about action points here)? Do you need to consider a new plan for consequences? With kids’ anger, ineffective parenting tactics may be the reason for recurring problems.
3. Consider and address.
Finally, consider your options. How can you defuse your anger and address it? It might be something as simple as removing your child or yourself from the situation to give you space to cool off. Then, when you’ve cooled down, think about the long-term actions you can take to get out of the anger cycle.
When you do get upset with your child in a discipline situation, remember that firmness does not require harshness. Keeping your anger in check will make your discipline more effective and protect your relationship with your child.
How are you at controlling your anger?
