“Time to put sunscreen on,” I told my son, waving the tube in the air. As soon as I wrapped an arm around his little waist to plop him on the bench next to me, he let out a shriek and slithered to the floor. “Honey,” I said. “It’s just sunscreen. And you need it on a hot day like today.” But through his tears, he probably didn’t hear a word I said. Trying to pick him up didn’t work—he’d gone limp and slid back to the floor. I could feel the tension clawing at my back and my heart starting to race. “Now’s not a good time, honey!” I cried.
The toddler stage can be so trying as our babies turn into little people who have preferences, a desire for independence, and the ability to express themselves. The best approach to toddler tantrums is one that’s not reactionary, spur of the moment, or born of fatigue or frustration. Here are 5 tips for how to deal with toddler tantrums effectively and lovingly.
1. Stay calm.
When your toddler has a temper tantrum, rule one for moms is to stay calm. If we snarl at our child or yell at her to “calm down,” it likely will make things worse. Try to identify the source of the tantrum. Is your child tired? Put her to bed. Is she frustrated that her blocks keep falling down? Give her a hug and help her rebuild. Does she want her own way? Explain why your answer is no, and then move on. Is she just trying to get your attention? Ignore her.
If your child’s temper tantrum continues, tell her, “I want to help you feel better. So when you calm down, I will talk with you and help you.” And go ahead and start studying these wise words you should say when your child talks back.
2. Stand your ground, even in public (if you can).
You’ll still stay calm and try to identify the source of the tantrum and act accordingly. But since you’re in a public place, ignoring a tantrum can be difficult. Still, if you can stand the stares of others, and your child isn’t disturbing anyone’s personal space, don’t give in. If necessary and if possible, move your child from the public place. Take him to your car or a private area and talk to him. “It seems you’re upset because… you can’t have a piece of candy, you can’t get out of the grocery cart, you’re tired. But we are going to stay right here until you calm down.” If he really is out of control and you’re about to lose your cool, go home and let him rest or have his tantrum until he tires.
3. Redirect.
If your child is at the beginning stages of a toddler tantrum, try redirecting her behavior. If she picks up something she shouldn’t, offer an explanation and a distraction: “That’s Mommy’s, and it’s not for little hands. Here, you can play with _________ instead.” Distracting your child is a good way to deal with toddler tantrums.
But what if your child’s tantrum is a cry for more time with you? A solution we love is reading to your child. Here are some great toddler books to check out.
4. Prevent it.
Life with a toddler always holds the possibility of a tantrum, so make tantrum prevention part of your strategy. If you know he’s cranky in the afternoons, run errands earlier in the day. If passing by the toy aisle at Target is his surefire trigger for a meltdown, choose the route by paper products instead. With one of my children, I know that there’s going to be a meltdown if I push a good time too long. So even though our playdate is going well, or our trip to run errands has been successful, I know I need to end it while everyone’s still happy. It’s tempting to stay for just a half hour longer, but often that’s when the tantrum starts.
So to deal with toddler tantrums, you may need to prevent them from happening in the first place. By sticking to your routine, and not pushing your child past his limits, you can both head home happy.
5. Praise progress.
Everyone likes to know when they’ve done a good job—even our little people! So you can begin weaning your child from toddler tantrums with praise. If he sits quietly in the shopping cart at the grocery store, sing your child’s praises and reward him with a slice of cheese at the deli counter. Or, if she accepts your no without a meltdown, celebrate her success with some extra playtime at the park the next day. Reward the good behavior, and chances are, you’ll see more of it.
What’s your toddler discipline advice?
