How can someone so small make you so angry? I mean, really, did you ever think a four-year-old would be able to push your buttons so expertly? And why is it that you can control your temper with 99 percent of the people you interact with, but your kids can have you pulling your hair out and trying to hold your tongue in about two minutes flat?
If you want to know how to control anger with kids and learn to express it wisely, remember, most importantly, that when we get angry, we need to do everything in our power not to harm our children—physically or emotionally. So before you lose it, here’s anger management 101 for moms with 3 ways to control your anger when your kids make you mad.
Stop and assess:
When you feel your blood boiling, stop whatever you’re on the verge of doing or saying and ask yourself, What’s really going on here to make me angry? Does it have anything to do with your child at all? If something your child is doing is the culprit, assess whether his behavior is actually the norm for his age. If that’s the case, maybe you’re expecting too much from him. So before you lose your temper with your child, try to examine where your anger is coming from.
Before you lose your temper with your child, try to examine where your anger is coming from.
You can also assess whether or not your anger is being caused by fatigue, hunger, or stress. Once you zero in on the cause, do your best to put the anger aside and deal with the trigger. You’ll also want to see what kind of angry mom you are. There are four types of angry moms, and the one to aim for is the mature or assertive responder.
Examine the big picture.
Is it really your child who’s the problem when he makes you angry or is it the way you’re parenting her? Ouch. Here’s what I mean: If your child does something over and over again that makes you mad, perhaps you need to reexamine how you’re handling that issue. Do you need to move your action point (learn about action points here)? Do you need to consider a new plan for consequences? Ineffective parenting might be the culprit if you haven’t addressed a recurring problem effectively.
Consider and Address:
Finally, consider your options. How can you defuse this anger and address it? It might be something as simple as removing your child or yourself from the situation to give you space to cool off. Think about the long-term actions you can take to get out of the anger cycle.
When you do get upset with your child in a discipline setting, remember that firmness does not require harshness. Keeping your anger at your child in check will make your discipline efforts more effective.
How are you at controlling your anger?