One day, I was leaving the store with my twins, and I noticed my reflection in a car window. I didn’t recognize myself. My hair was disheveled, my face was round from the weight gain, and my clothes fit poorly. Truthfully, I didn’t smell good either.
I had busied myself in motherhood and pushed down the hurt from my kids’ dad walking out. I believed if I allowed myself to feel those emotions, I would shut down, and it would impact my ability to move forward. It turned out that avoiding those emotions is what actually shut me down. This became a barrier to my healing. Here are 4 other barriers that can prevent us from healing from single mom problems—and how to overcome them.
1. Thinking the Healing Will Hurt Worse Than the Pain
I didn’t cry about my single mom problems for a while. I was afraid to speak about the hurt because I didn’t want to feel sadness. However, facing the pain allowed me to begin healing.
When a person undergoes surgery, the surgeon opens the area, operates, and stitches the area up. This often leaves the patient in more pain than she started with, but it also ideally fixes the patient’s problem. In the same way, we’ve got to confront things we’ve been running from or ignoring, which many painfully open up old wounds, and allow those emotional wounds to be healed.
2. Not Knowing How to Ask for Help
When I was pregnant, I wanted to build a support system, but I didn’t ask for help because I thought it would burden other people. One day a friend brought me home-cooked food and told me she would double her recipes and give me half so I could freeze it and not have to cook for a while after my twins were born.
There are people who want to help, and sometimes they are waiting for us to ask. When people offer, ask them how they are willing to help. This lets you know who to call when you have that need.
3. Not Making Room for Therapy
I should have started therapy way earlier, but I didn’t because I didn’t think I had time for it. I was already trying to figure out how to squeeze in a shower, so adding therapy to my schedule seemed impossible. However, once I entered therapy, I began to heal, let go, and move forward.
You may think you can’t make room for therapy in your budget, room in your schedule, or maybe even room in your ego. But therapy can be a way to help you heal, and it’s worth making room for.
You may think you can’t make room for therapy in your budget, room in your schedule, or maybe even room in your ego. But therapy can be a way to help you heal, and it's worth making room for. Click To Tweet4. Fear of Being Hurt Again
I isolated myself after experiencing betrayal from some friends. A couple of years later, I began experiencing loneliness. I wanted to develop friendships, but I was afraid of the same thing happening again.
Fear of being hurt causes us to keep our pain top of mind. We can replay the hurt, thinking we are protecting ourselves, when in reality, we are stifling our healing. This is why it’s important to separate truth from fear. Is this fear, or is something really off about this person or situation? When you can look at something in a more objective way, you are better able to let go of the fear stemming from single mom problems and begin to live more fully.
What barriers do you think you might have that get in the way of healing?
