Not long ago, my husband and I sat down with our marriage counselor (whom we’ve seen regularly for years). I was a little nervous walking in—not because she’s mean, or I had some deep dark secret lurking. Rather, I was nervous because I knew that once again, the counselor would ask if we’d had a date night, and once again, my answer would be no. We’d just been “too busy.” This time around, our counselor simply sighed and said, “Nothing important happens by accident.” She’s right. A week later, thanks to my husband’s initiative, we began to make date night a priority.
Loving the people who are nearest to you takes action. It won’t just happen. Many women assume their husbands know they love them because, you know, marriage. But that’s lazy love, which isn’t really love at all. Real love is intentional. You’ve got to learn how to love your husband on purpose every day. Here are 5 simple ways to love your husband, even when you’re busy.
1. Have a routine check-in.
Many couples pass each other like ships in the night. Between working and volunteering and running kids all over the place, there is precious little time to spare. It’s hard enough for you to remember what you did during your workday let alone to remember to ask your husband about his. And yet, taking just a few moments to sit down, look him in the eyes, and ask about his day is a great way to communicate that you love him. Why not take 15 minutes right before bed to connect? Turn the TV off, set your phone down, pour a cup of hot tea, and simply check in. Ask questions and listen well. Celebrate what he’s celebrating and mourn what he’s mourning. You might be surprised by the difference empathy makes.
2. Encourage him to get some time for himself.
It’s common knowledge that moms don’t get enough “me time,” but many dads also run from work to home to kids’ activities without any time for themselves. That’s why a powerful way you can communicate your love for your husband is by advocating that he takes some time for himself. Help it happen by getting him a gift card to his favorite driving range or tickets to see a movie he’s excited about. Of course it feels costly. You have things you’d like to do as well. But that’s what love does. It puts the needs of the other above your own. Besides, if you make a habit of advocating for him, it’s very likely he’ll return the favor.
Love puts the needs of the other above your own. Click To Tweet3. Text him throughout the day.
4. Put something on the calendar weekly.
Setting a weekly date is another example of how planning beats spontaneity. Now you might be thinking a weekly date is unreasonable. Either you can’t afford to go out every week or you just don’t have the time. But a date doesn’t need to involve going out. My favorite date that my husband and I enjoy regularly involves eating some snacks and watching old episodes of The Office or Parks and Recreation on Netflix. If there’s stuff to talk about, we’ll do that, but mostly it’s just a time to be together, and putting it on the calendar communicates that it’s a priority. Presence is a huge way to communicate love. Plan to be present with each other weekly.
5. Say it.
Some say talk is cheap. While I get the sentiment, I disagree. I much prefer the expression “words make worlds.” Our words are powerful. They create a tangible atmosphere that impacts our mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Don’t believe me? Talk with someone who grew up in a verbally abusive household. While we must do more than simply say the words “I love you,” we can’t do less. Make a habit out of regularly telling your husband that you love him. Leave notes. Send texts. Even send an email. However you do it, just get it done.
Do you think you know how to love your husband when you’re busy? Which of these steps could you take this week to communicate to your husband that you love him?
