“I’m fine. It’ll be fine,” my friend told me with a vigorous nod. I looked at her with a raised eyebrow and said, “You forget how long we’ve been friends.” I paused, studying her. “Why don’t you ever tell me when you need help?” My sweet friend had been dealt a difficult hand in the past several months, with one stressor piling on top of the other. I easily could have brought her family a casserole for dinner or taken her son home from basketball practice—but she wouldn’t let me.
Moms, this is what a lot of us do. We want to be 100 percent self-sufficient all the time, but inside, we’re really yearning for some help. We’re stuck, suffering in silence. Have trouble asking for help or accepting help when it’s offered? Here are 5 ways to begin.
1. Acknowledge the lies you’re believing.
Sometimes we believe lies without even knowing it. And yet, these sneaky lies dictate our actions—lies like “I will look weak or needy” and “I will be putting people out.” Maybe you’ve known someone who is needy, who asks too often, and you’re afraid you’ll be like her. But here’s the truth. Needy people always take and never give. That’s not you. Asking for help on occasion is not the same thing as being needy.
Asking for help on occasion is not the same thing as being needy. Click To Tweet2. List three people you would help in a heartbeat.
I bet you can name them right now—people you would be glad to help. These are the people you would love to tell, “Yes! I’ve got you covered!” And so, these are the ones you should call when you need help, too. They are likely people who you know well, trust, and love, and I bet that’s mutual!
3. Think about how good it feels to help your friend.
Have you ever dropped a meal off for a friend who’s healing from surgery? Have you ever babysat for a couple who never gets to go out? It felt good, right? It actually brought you joy to help them. That’s how your friends will feel when they get a chance to help you too. It feels good to know that a friend trusts you enough to let you help. Let your friends into your world of needs and it will deepen your relationships.
4. Consider that you’re building a community of support.
In our neighborhood, the men have become really good at asking each other to help with jobs around the house. They started off just sharing tools, and over time, it became so common to ask each other for help that the wives started joking about how many men it takes to install a microwave. If you ask for help, your friends will feel more comfortable asking you for help in return. And then you’re not just getting help, but you’re building a community, too.
5. Start small but make it regular.
Start small and build up. Ask a neighbor to check on your cat while you’re out of town or keep an eye out for a package being delivered. It may feel awkward at first, but you’ll notice that usually, people are happy to help. And to combat that stubborn thought of being needy, be sure to tell your neighbor how helpful he or she was and offer to repay the favor very soon. Keep that ball rolling!
What do you think keeps moms from asking for help?
