“Give her back her Slinky,” I told my young son. His toddler sister had been playing with it and giggling as she watched it wriggle. He held the toy above her head, dangling it just out of reach. I could feel my anger with him rising. “Now,” I added, my tone firm. To my dismay, my son tossed the Slinky down the hall and cackled with glee as my daughter toddled after it. My blood boiling, I turned to my son to issue some discipline. What had started as a pleasant morning had suddenly turned sour. Why had he been so unkind?
My son had seemed to take joy from teasing his little sister. And he blatantly disobeyed me too. Both problems irked me. Lately, he’d been getting into more trouble at home and maybe, I thought, it was because my husband and I were stressed with other things: job hunting, selling our home, and battling a family health issue. I hadn’t spent as much time cuddling my son and playing with him as I usually did. Could this have contributed to his behavior? I worked hard over the next few weeks to strengthen my connection with my son and found 5 benefits came from a stronger mother-child relationship.
1. Your child is more likely to cooperate.
When you create goodwill with other people, they’re more likely to want to please you. I know it’s not easy for my child to put down his toys and come help me set the table when I call. But after an afternoon of playing with him, I found my son was much more willing.
2. Your child is more likely to turn to you when in need.
When my son gets older, I want him to feel like he can talk to me when he’s sad or hurt. A strong connection now—fed with time and love—will make it more likely to happen. While his sister napped the other day, we spent time on a puzzle. My phone buzzed and he paused, waiting to see what I would do. I ignored it and kept playing. When we finished, he crawled into my lap for a sweet cuddle. Kids pick up on little things and they like to know they’re important to you. When he’s older, I want my son to know he’s still my priority, so I’m building those good feelings now.
3. Your child is more likely to follow your rules.
Little things like laughing at his jokes (despite their silliness) and pulling him in for a hug whenever he walks past me seemed to boost our connection. My son began to pick up his toys with less delay and he didn’t fight me when I told him to try new foods twice this week. Laughing with your child and sharing a loving touch can go a long way in strengthening your connection.
Laughing with your child and sharing a loving touch can go a long way in strengthening your connection. Click To Tweet4. Your child is more likely to treat others with kindness.
The more positive attention I gave my son, the less he teased his sister. I realized I’d been distracted recently at bedtime and hadn’t spent as much time reading and chatting with him. I made a conscious effort to spend more thoughtful time with him—saying prayers, cuddling, and reading—and he seemed much more balanced during the day. These little moments have a big effect on children. Putting in the time, especially when you’re tired at night, can be hard. But if you’re having behavior issues with your child, you might want to give it a try and see what happens.
5. Your child is more likely to live your values.
As my son grows, I want him to live our family’s values. If your child feels strongly connected to you, he’ll naturally want to please you. Despite the busyness of daily life, I’m trying to make sure I connect with my son throughout the day. He knows I love being with him, but also that manners are important, as are apologies. He’s also learning that saying grace and talking to God before we go to sleep are things I value and so should he. Connection, being present and showing love to your child through words and actions, not only benefits him but also benefits you. You’re laying the groundwork for a relationship years from now.
What are some other ways you can strengthen your mother-child relationship?
