Every December, I have an annual review with my boss. I can’t say I look forward to it, but I always feel good afterward. We talk about goals that I met or missed, what went well, and what I could improve upon in the coming year.
I was thinking that I might be due for an annual review with my kids. There’s such a thing as upward feedback—where employees can evaluate their bosses—so why not try it with the kids? Here’s why asking for parenting feedback can be a game changer, plus 7 questions you can ask.
Hidden Reasons Parenting Feedback From Kids Is Helpful
Your kids will be psyched that they get to air some grievances, but you know there are hidden benefits for your relationship. They’ll know they’re allowed to say difficult things to you and you won’t lose your cool; by showing them you value their opinion and are willing to listen, you’ll be building a deeper relationship; and you’re teaching your kids how to give constructive feedback. Hopefully, if you have these little meetings often enough, they’ll grow in their trust in you while also getting good practice with a valuable communication skill.
How to Have a Parenting Feedback Session
Mark the calendar. Do what works for your family. Maybe once a quarter or every six months? Whatever you decide, write it down and commit to it. When you’re done, set the date for the next one.
Brief the kids. Tell them you’re going to ask them a handful of questions and you want honest responses. Promise not to get mad, but make it clear that this isn’t “pile on Mom” time. Also, it’s not a democracy. You get the final say.
Make sure you’re emotionally ready. Since you know what day you’re scheduled to meet with your little consultants, show up mentally prepared.
Take your time. Ask three or four questions, listen well to their responses, and ask follow-up questions. It wouldn’t hurt to start with a prayer either.
Respond well. Repeat what they said, in summary, to avoid any misunderstandings. Then take some time to really think about how you can make reasonable changes. The goal then is never to stop the conversation. Open, respectful communication is an important ingredient in a healthy parent-child relationship.
Open, respectful communication is an important ingredient in a healthy parent-child relationship. Click To Tweet7 Questions to Choose From
1. On a scale of 1–10, how have I done this month/year?
2. Do you think I’m listening well? When can I listen better?
3. What’s one thing that would make me a better mom?
4. What do I do that you don’t like?
5. What rules are confusing or do you think we should revisit?
6. Is there any way I’ve upset you that we haven’t settled?
7. What goal can we set as a family?
What other questions would you add to the list?
