There’s an old saying that goes, “As a man thinketh, so is he.” In other words, what we think, we come to be and believe. So in your marriage, if your thoughts about your husband go something like this, “He is so selfish! There he goes again… making another stupid big purchase. Can’t he figure out a better way to deal with the kids?” you will soon believe that your husband is a loser. On the other hand, if you change your thinking about your husband, you can actually change your feelings toward him and your opinions of him. You can think your way to a better marriage.
So the next time your husband does something to irritate you or anger you, don’t let your thoughts go to a condemning place. Instead, find something good to think about your husband right then, at that moment. If he’s an overall good guy, focus on that. Then, try to think of at least one specific thing he does get right.
Consider it positive brainwashing. Here are 5 ways to change your thinking to change your marriage.
Go cold turkey.
Starting today, right now, stop complaining about your husband out loud. This is the first step in changing your thinking. Every time you have to bite your tongue, counter the urge by thinking of one positive thing about him. (Of course, if there are safety issues involved, please do talk to someone.) Need some help doing this? Our No Complaining Challenge can help.
We all make mistakes. The best wives make them and the best husbands do too. If you’ve built up bitterness against your husband, forgive him. This will clear the way for positive thoughts to take root. If the bitterness is about something he’s still doing, talk to him in a loving, non-accusing way.
Examine your expectations.
Our thoughts about our husband can go from “He’s great!” to “He’s awful!” if our expectations get out of whack. How does that happen? We expect him to be like our best friend’s husband. We expect him to think like we do. We expect him to solve all of our problems. Does that sound like you? Take a look at these 8 Expectations for a Great Marriage to help you bring your expectations back to reality.
Plant good seeds.
Does your husband know that you think he’s not all that great? Hopefully, he doesn’t. Either way, if you start complimenting him, there’s a good chance he’ll try to live up to your kind words. So when you see him doing something kind, or he goes out of his way to be nice to you, thank him and compliment him. It will do both of you a whole lot of good. Try some of these 10 Compliments for Your Husband to get started.
There is no perfect husband. I repeat, there is no perfect husband. But, there are husbands who at least try. There are husbands who may have their faults, but they still come home every night to their family. They don’t do drugs or drink too much. They’re not having an affair. See if you can find at least a few of these 99 Things to Be Thankful for About Your Husband that fit your situation.
Let’s Talk: So what are your words of wisdom for how to think your way to a great marriage? Please share them so we can all do better!