“I like knowing that,” my son said. I couldn’t see his face in the darkness of his bedroom, but his voice sounded heavy with emotion. I’d just told him I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it. Of course I couldn’t. For seventeen years, he’s been one of the biggest sources of joy (and every other emotion that comes with raising kids) in my life. Didn’t he know that? Is it something I really needed to say? Apparently. Though we probably demonstrate our love on a daily basis, our teenagers need to hear actual words to lock it down. Certain words from your mouth can also help build a teen’s confidence in this often turbulent period of adolescence.
I want my son to be a confident teenager. But I’ve learned that teens have a selective memory. You may think you’ve said these things before–or enough–but you probably haven’t. Or, at least not as much as your teen would (secretly) like. They’re figuring out who they are and what their place is in this world. Help them along by giving them the words they need to hear. Here are 10 statements your teen wants you to say.
1. “You matter.”
Sure, we all want our kids to excel in life. Academically. Athletically. Socially. Why wouldn’t we? But sometimes, we can lose sight of who our kids are and what truly matters. Our teens need to know they matter to us—even when they fail a test, ride the bench, or struggle to make friends. Let your teen know he matters to you, no matter what.
2. “You’re important to me.”
I can pretty much guarantee you’d agree your life wouldn’t be the same without your teen in it. Even if you’re handling more than your fair share of disagreements and struggles these days, you still need to find a moment today to let her know she’s important to you. This tells your teen her life has value, something all people need to know.
3. “I like hanging out with you.”
Gosh, what a compliment! I would love it if one of my friends said this to me. Why don’t people say this more often to one another? Your teen’s interests may be way different from yours, but let him know that being around him is something you really enjoy. It’ll validate everything there is about him: his interests, his quirks, and basically, who he is at his core.
4. “You have great ideas.”
When you say this to your teen, it tells her she’s smart, insightful, and creative all in one breath. I bet a big smile lights up her face afterward.
5. “You make me laugh.”
Does your teen have a quick wit? A dry sense of humor? A stand-up comedian’s ability to crack a joke on a dime? Humor can break the ice, deepen a relationship, and ease a friend’s nerves. It’s a skill. If your teen gets a laugh out of you, it’d make him feel pretty good to hear you admit it. A confident teenager has a mom who will pay him this compliment.
6. “You have what it takes.”
Teens go through seasons of self-doubt. Raising a confident teenager isn’t easy, but when you can assure her that she has what it takes to do whatever task is at hand, you’re giving her that boost she needs to push through. Not everyone has a built-in cheerleader at home. Make sure your teen knows she does.
7. “You’re lovable.”
Maybe you have a teen who’s been hurt in the past. Or one who has a hard time showing his true feelings. No matter what has happened in your teen’s life to shape him into the person he is today, it’s important for him to know he is a person someone can love.
8. “Your friends are fortunate to have you.”
There are qualities in your teen that she may not know are evident to others. But you see them. You see that she’s thoughtful. Loyal. Dependable. Fun. Kind. Let her know. Everyone likes to be seen for the traits that matter most in this world. When your teen knows others are fortunate to have her friendship, she’ll get a little boost of social confidence to continue being the type of person that makes this world a better place.
9. “You’re capable of hard things.”
He may feel like giving up, but you believe in him. Give him the vote of confidence he needs to get through something difficult. When he knows you think he’s capable, he starts to believe in himself too.
10. “I love you.”
You have a teenager, so it’s possible you don’t tell her you love her as much as you did when she lived for story time on your lap, or begged for more time at the playground. But your teen—and it doesn’t matter if you have a girl or a boy—needs to hear that you love her or him. Every. Single. Day.
We want to raise kind, confident teenagers. What else do you think teens need to hear today?
