“When he pulled up a conspiracy-theory video on YouTube, I started looking for the exit.” My friend had been on dozens of first dates since her divorce and was seeing a pattern: small talk, mild disappointment, and a hesitant “maybe” when he texted afterward. I felt for her—I got stood up on my first date after my divorce.
As a single mom, you might be out of practice—or maybe you never learned how to date in the first place. (Who did?) This isn’t about just “putting yourself out there.” It’s about becoming the kind of dater who attracts the right kind of partner. When you date with clarity and confidence, you’re protecting both your heart and your kids. If you’ve been searching for dating advice for single moms that actually helps, start here with these 5 ways to get better at dating.
1. Date like a scientist.
Behavioral scientist Logan Ury, author of How to Not Die Alone, says dating with intention means running little experiments. If your theory is, “Younger men aren’t mature,” test it. Go out with someone younger and see what happens. The point isn’t to settle—it’s to collect data. Stay curious, stay open, and then make your decision based on evidence, not assumptions.
2. But don’t date like a chemist.
Chemistry can feel intoxicating. It’s that honeymoon phase where dopamine and oxytocin have you convinced this person is The One. But chemistry doesn’t tell you if someone can actually build a healthy partnership with you. That takes time. And let’s face it: First dates are like job interviews with appetizers, and some people don’t “interview” well.
Nerves, awkward small talk, or being distracted by the kids’ schedules can mask the qualities that really matter. That’s why it’s worth practicing the “second date rule.” Unless you spot a hard dealbreaker (like him yelling at the waiter), don’t count him out just because the butterflies didn’t show up. Eliminating someone just because there wasn’t instant chemistry is like judging a book by its cover; you’re skipping the chapters that matter.
3. Show up authentically.
Ury says many people make the mistake of engaging in “fruit-on-the-bottom yogurt” dating—when you only show the plain vanilla stuff on top and keep the real you hidden. The problem? If you wait until date seven to reveal your values, quirks, or boundaries, you may have already invested time in someone who isn’t a fit, and as a single mom balancing work, kids and dating, that’s not a good use of your time.
Authenticity doesn’t mean unloading your whole life story on date one. It’s about sprinkling in real moments early. Share how you set a boundary at work or why family dinners matter to you. These aren’t heavy confessions—they’re glimpses into how you operate in real life. And then notice how he responds. Does he respect it? Dismiss it? Ask curious questions? His reaction tells you more about compatibility than small talk ever will.
4. Make decisions guided by your faith and values, not your fears.
That first date after my divorce—the one where the guy stood me up—was a bad idea from the get-go. I’ve thanked God the guy didn’t show. I was operating from a place of insecurity and sadness. He wasn’t right for me, but my fear was shouting, “Say yes because you don’t know when the next offer will come.”
When you’re dating after heartbreak or loss, fear sneaks in and says, “What if I pick wrong again? What if my kids get hurt?” But fear-based dating usually leads to settling or self-sabotage. The best dating advice for single moms is that if you hold onto your values—your faith, your priorities, your vision of family—you’ll know who to say yes to and who to walk away from.
5. Don’t date to prove anything—date to discover something.
My friend who’d gone out with the conspiracy-theory guy called me the morning after another date and said, “I’m tired.” And it wasn’t because she’d worn heels the night before. She said that the whole night, she felt like she was performing. By the end, she didn’t feel seen—she felt exhausted.
That’s what happens when we date to prove that we’re still attractive, still worthy, still “good enough.” But dating from that place puts all the power in someone else’s hands. When you flip it to discovery, everything changes. Discovery sounds like: What do I want in a partner now? How do I feel in this person’s presence? Am I more myself—or less? It takes the pressure off trying to impress and turns the whole process into gathering information about what fits your life. A “no” isn’t a failure; it’s just a clue pointing you closer to your yes.
What’s the most unexpected way someone has shown you their true colors on a date?
