I have a friend with a lot of head knowledge about parenting, so I was all ears when she told me she tried a fresh strategy with her teen. She said, “He was upset, and instead of lecturing or giving advice, I started by empathizing. And it worked.” She said she’d been reading about developing emotional intelligence and decided if it could benefit relationships with coworkers and her husband, it would probably help with her kids.
Parenting is a careful balance between head and heart, but many of us struggle to tune in to our children’s emotions. Their behavior and our mood and level of exhaustion can get in the way. So we need to work on boosting our emotional intelligence, or EQ, because it’s even more important than IQ, especially in parenting. Ready to grow with me? Here are the 5 areas of emotional intelligence that will help you as a mom.
1. Self-Awareness
Moms need self-awareness in a big way. We need to recognize what we’re feeling and doing in the moment to assess our emotions and manage them appropriately. The more we understand our moods, emotions, and drives, and their effect on those around us, the more our EQ grows.
So a mom with high self-awareness can look inside herself to understand what she’s feeling and why. That way, she won’t lash out at her children when they’re not the cause of any emotional discomfort she’s feeling.
2. Self-Regulation
You can recognize a mom who can self-regulate by how she deals with her children. Does she fly off the handle at the slightest irritation, or can she hold it together even when the kids have made a disaster of the family room, and she’s operating on four hours of sleep because the baby was up all night?
Self-regulation is evident when a mom can redirect impulses or moods that have the potential to be destructive. That means having the ability to think before you scream, scold, or criticize. Developing emotional intelligence in this way is tough for many of us, but every day is new, so work on noticing signs you’re about to lose your cool and have a go-to method for calming down.
3. Motivation
There are many days in the life of a mom when the only reward for her efforts is an internal sense that she is doing all she can to be a good mother. Her motivation is not based on receiving accolades. It’s her commitment to her family that keeps her optimistic in spite of setbacks.
EQ is more important than IQ, especially in parenting. Click To Tweet4. Empathy
As my friend learned, using empathy with kids gives you a leg up as a mom (and a wife, actually!). It’s not a weakness to tell your child you understand her feelings. You’re not compromising your position of authority when you say, “It must be hard to go through this.” When a mom can interpret the emotional makeup of her kids and put herself in their shoes, she can better respond to their needs.
5. Social Skills
A mother’s social skills come in handy when dealing with teachers, coaches, and her mother-in-law. A high EQ in this area will reveal a mom who can develop a rapport with diverse personalities and settings. She knows when to speak, when to hold her tongue, and how to connect to people. Developing emotional intelligence like this helps mothers diffuse conflict and build teamwork.
Do you think you have a higher EQ or IQ? In which area of emotional intelligence do you have room to grow?
