“How are the kids doing?” my aunt texted. I replied, “Well, the older one received the Ingenuity Award at camp. I’m really proud of him.” My aunt reacted with an exclamation point. I added, “The younger one’s struggling a bit. Being his mom is humbling me.” My aunt replied, “I can relate. Your cousin was a difficult child. He always had me wondering if I was parenting wrong.”
Do you have a child with a challenging behavior, academic or social struggle, or a strong will? It’s easy to dwell on how those kids give us worry lines or leave us exhausted at the end of the day. But through the push and pull, they’re also subtly changing us for the better (if we let them). The next time you feel overwhelmed by the struggle, pause for a moment and consider these 9 overlooked benefits of raising a challenging child.
1. He can make you a more creative problem solver.
After homework meltdowns became routine, my friend made up a silly game to help her daughter with multiplication tables—and it worked. Traditional parenting methods often fall flat with a challenging or difficult child. You’ve got to think outside the box, try new approaches, and develop creative solutions.
2. She can help you grow in humility.
Just when I think I should receive the “Best Mom in All the Land!” award, I get an email from school saying, “Your son was arm wrestling in class instead of doing his work.” A note like this will keep your ego in check and help you remember there are good days and bad, and that you are often not in control.
3. He can make you a better communicator.
A friend whose son rarely does what he’s told the first time learned her son was more likely to comply if she gave him a five-minute warning instead of getting annoyed and shouting. She told me it’s been a good reminder that calm, controlled language typically gets better results.
4. She can help your prayer life grow.
A former colleague joked that his mom spent so much time on her knees praying for him while he was in high school that she invested in knee pads. He admitted he never obeyed curfew and was falling into the
wrong crowd, and her concern for him drew her deeper into her faith. If you have a difficult child, praying for him or her will change you and your relationship with God.
5. He can help you practice unconditional love.
Loving a difficult child isn’t just about affection—it’s about commitment and perseverance. It’s the kind of love that chooses to start fresh again tomorrow, and grows in empathy as you realize what your child needs most is a mom who won’t give up on him or her.
6. She helps you practice patience, which you need in all areas of life.
After a 45-minute stand-off over socks, a 15-minute traffic jam is nothing! If patience takes practice, our challenging kids are making us patience professionals.
7. He helps you become more resilient.
Raising a difficult child is like strength training. The constant challenges—meltdowns, misunderstandings, unexpected calls from school—stretch you, but they also build grit. You learn to bounce back faster and keep showing up even when you’re tired.
8. Partnering with teachers teaches you communication and cooperation.
It’s one thing to communicate about issues at work or the PTA, but emailing with teachers and coaches about your child requires a different level of diplomacy, assertiveness, and teamwork. You strive to advocate with more understanding and empathy because you have learned that this type of communication helps you work with others in a way that’ll better serve your child.
9. He’s helped you become less judgmental.
Before I became a mom, it was easy to assume parents were doing something wrong when their kids misbehaved or struggled in school. Now, I know better. This part of parenting is hard, even though I’m trying my best. I’m grateful that my son has made me slower to criticize and quicker to offer grace.
Which one of these is an area you’ve seen growth in yourself?
