A family friend sat across from my son at our patio table and inquired: “Liam, do you know what you want to do when you get older?” My 10-year-old thought for a moment and replied, “Well, I used to want to be a flight attendant, but I don’t think I’d make enough money.” The adults at the table piped up with encouragement not to rule it out. If he loves air travel and service, it might not matter if it pays less. He’ll love going to work!
I want my kids to find a job in a field that interests them, and I would be overjoyed if they jumped out of bed every day and got paid to pursue their passions. But at the same time, the saying “Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life” isn’t necessarily the message I want my kids to live by. As you help steer your children toward their future careers, here’s why my advice is “don’t tell your kids to do what they love.”
1. It implies there’s a magic formula to happiness.
Traveling, getting a deal on a pair of shoes you’ve been eyeing, holding a hot cup of coffee while sitting in a cozy chair—all of those things can make you happy for a moment. But implying that doing what you love will make you smile every day suggests that happiness comes by arranging our lives ever so perfectly.
When my dad was out of work for a time and my parents were down to one income, a teacher’s salary, they had to make some significant cuts in our family’s budget. They’d tell you today that “The Peanut Butter Sandwich Year,” as we lovingly call it, was one of the most blessed of our family’s life. We focused on simpler things, spent more time at home, and savored the occasional treat.
2. Maybe what your child loves is yet to be discovered.
My sister went to college to pursue journalism. For as long as I can remember, she wanted to be a writer. Now, she works for an international commercial real estate firm and has a title that I don’t even understand. What I do know is that “writer” isn’t in it. I honestly don’t remember how she ended up so far outside of journalism, but her story is a testament to the truth that every step along a career path is an important part of the journey. She loves what she does and she’s quite good at it.
But wait! I said don’t tell your kids to do what they love, yet here’s my sister, doing just that. It’s all in the messaging we send our kids, most of whom have no idea what they’re passionate about. Saying “do what you love” can lead to a one-track mind. Had my sister only entertained jobs as a writer, she would not have discovered another skill that could bring her joy at work.
3. Sometimes a job is just a job, but it makes more fulfilling parts of life possible.
My first job out of college was at an office products supplier. I remember talking to my boss who was the sales manager and asking him if pens and reams of paper brought him joy. He laughed and said, “No way, but I go home every day to my daughters and get to play with them, feed them a healthy meal, take the occasional vacation. This pays my bills and makes those good things happen.”
A job can finance the parts of life that are more exhilarating, and with the right attitude, it can also become a source of satisfaction. In the early ‘80s, my grandfather drove a bread truck for a living. Was that his passion? Well, he did love his carbs, but no. He found joy in his day by making an extra stop to bring my sister and me a glazed cruller and by learning the names of the people on his route.
4. Even work you love can still be hard and draining.
Before becoming the iMOM content manager, I worked in radio. I loved running the board, interacting with listeners, and hearing how lives were changed because of the songs and ministry. But there were still plenty of mornings when I met that 4:15 alarm with a grumble and a curse.
Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life? It’s just not true. Passion-driven work is still work that might have looming deadlines, challenging coworkers, and boring paperwork. You’ll still have days when you go home and collapse on the couch, completely exhausted. I’d never want my kids to think feeling that way means they haven’t found the job that God wants them in at that point in their lives.
Passion-driven work is still work. Click To Tweet5. It’s easier to confuse your career with your identity.
I’m reminded of MMA fighter Ronda Rousey’s upset loss in 2015. In interviews, she said that immediately after getting knocked out, she contemplated suicide, and “What am I anymore if I’m not this?”
There are plenty of people who love their jobs and know they are not their jobs, so I’m not saying don’t tell your kids to do what they love because they’ll forget who they are. But I do think there’s a greater risk of mixing up your job with your worth when you work with your passion. Often, your whole heart and soul are invested. We have to do our part as parents to remind our kids that their identities are found in something much greater than their job titles.
What’s your take on telling kids to do what they love?
