Sometimes my wife asks, “Are you going for a run today?” Translation: You are anxious. Go for a run. It will make you better for both of us. She is not wrong. Running or working out always makes me feel better in every way.
I used to think exercise only made me feel better because of the feel-good brain chemicals it produces. While that is part of it, according to the Centre for Male Psychology, there is another reason exercise is always helpful: I’m a man. As a marriage speaker and writer, I try everything I can to avoid gender stereotypes. But there is compelling research that there are emotional differences between men and women. Here are 5 things you may not know about your husband’s emotions but should.
1. Men process emotions less through words and more through actions.
Many men process their emotions through physical activity. Friends of mine recently experienced the devasting loss of a child. For weeks, understandably, she was constantly in tears and barely able to function. He started renovating a bathroom. His wife was mortified that he could care about something so trivial. I know this guy; nothing could be farther from the truth. She saw his activity as not caring or moving on. This was his way of working out his emotions. His way of coping might seem different, but it’s equally valid.
2. Men often communicate emotions without saying a word.
Many men communicate “I love you, I’m proud of you, I’m here for you” with affection, hugs, and looks on their faces. Some men try to say these things through acts of service. Just because he isn’t saying it with words doesn’t mean he isn’t communicating. Noticing when he is attempting to communicate love is good for both of you. His way isn’t wrong—it’s just different.
3. Men are equally as capable of perceiving emotions as women.
Men are often attuned to your emotions, even if they don’t always express it verbally. But because some men don’t process emotions as much verbally, women often think their husbands don’t know what’s going on with them. But your husband probably knows more about what is going on with you than you think. Perception of emotions doesn’t always equal the ability to explain them. So he doesn’t try to discuss with you in fear of saying it “wrong.”
4. Men comfort others through actions instead of words.
A woman might talk with her worried friend to cheer her up, while a man may invite his worrying friend to play golf. This often works for your husband and his friends. But because the more active approach may not work for you, you miss his loving attempts to comfort you. For instance, you are struggling with your relationship with your teenager or having a hard time at work, and your husband plans a date night. Try to see it as an unfortunate gift he was excited to give you. You want to return it, but you keep it, because you loved that he tried.
5. Men don’t need eye contact to process emotions with you.
Women tend to be much better at eye contact than men. But for men, requested eye contact floods their brains with a stress hormone called cortisol. So if you want to talk about how anxious you’ve been about an upcoming family gathering, don’t ask him to sit down and look you in the eyes while he talks about it. Instead, bring it up while riding beside him in the car or doing an activity together.
What other emotional differences between men and women have you noticed?
