OK. I admit. I’d like my husband to remember how to flirt. Have we really been married so long that it’s a thing of the past? I don’t need flowers (well, maybe), but a little nuzzle here and there would work. I know husbands tend to get stressed with work and kids. So, with all that weighing them down, how do we get our husbands to be more playful?
After being married a while, the mystery may be gone. But flirting with your husband relies on unexpectedness and surprises. To go in that direction, we need to first lay the groundwork. Here are 5 essentials for a flirty marriage to signal you’re ready for more fun. Maybe, just maybe, he’ll get the hint.
1. Openness
You don’t need to strut around the house in a skimpy piece of lingerie to convey a flirty attitude. I mean, you could. Don’t let me stop you. But what might work better is simple body language. When was the last time you had a good conversation with your husband that included eye contact? Even letting your hand linger on his chest when you’re standing close conveys openness for more closeness. On the flip side, your body language can communicate a closed-off posture, even if it’s not your intention.
What messages do you send your husband?
2. Availability
My friend Deirdre works full time, is on the PTA board at her kids’ school, and belongs to a book club. She’s busy, but she told me she has a way to carve out time for her husband. She sends her kids to her mother-in-law’s next door! Lucky duck. For those of us who don’t have this option, we have to be more resourceful. When you’re tempted to get the laundry done and the kitchen floor swept at night, opt for time with your husband instead. Or if he texts during the day, don’t wait to text back. Flirting with your husband is all about timing sometimes .
Let him know he’s important and that you’re willing to push other things aside for him. In fact, you want to.
3. Interest
“The doorknob’s loose,” I said to my husband. But I really meant, “When are ya gonna fix it?” I’ve probably mentioned the doorknob a dozen times in two months. And if he’s feeling less like a husband and more like a handyman, am I laying the groundwork for playfulness in our relationship? Probably not.
Get interested. Ask him about himself and not how he can serve you. Flirting with your husband doesn’t have to be hard! What’ll you bring up with your husband tonight?
4. Curiosity
My husband and I make great partners when we play the game Taboo. All the inside jokes and stories help us win and we feel pretty good about ourselves, even if it’s only our kids’ butts we’re kicking. But as much as we think we know everything about the other, it’s healthy for your love life to create opportunities for a bit of mystery. To do that, according to Richard Schwartz, associate professor of psychiatry, it’s important to “have enough separateness” so that “you can be an object of curiosity for the other person.” And then when you come back together as a couple, you can share those experiences.
Encourage your husband to spend time with friends and don’t feel guilty doing the same. It’s one way to keep some intrigue in your relationship.
5. Ideas
Back when you first met your husband, I bet your tummy did flips when you saw him, and you had fun together. Even though things start to become more predictable in marriage over time, you can bring back that rush you once had by trying new things together. Journalist Tara Parker-Pope writes that “several experiments show that novelty—simply doing new things together as a couple—may help bring the butterflies back, recreating the chemical surges of early courtship.” It could be attending a concert, heading to an amusement park, or trying a new restaurant in a different part of town. Being spontaneous works too.
Even though things start to become more predictable in marriage over time, you can bring back that rush you once had by trying new things together. Click To TweetWith the rush of stepping out of your comfort zone, you’ll be able to recreate that flirty feeling you both once had. And maybe, if trying new things together becomes a habit, you’ll make that flirty connection last.
Flirting with your husband can still be fun after years of marriage! How will you get things going again?
