I joyfully handed out invitations to my son’s second birthday party but was met with mildly discouraging responses. It seemed as though each person I invited responded with, “Oh! The terrible twos! If you thought the last couple of years were hard, just wait.” The more I heard this, the more discouraged and frustrated I felt. Was it really about to get worse?
Our words hold weight and can shape our thoughts and perspectives about our circumstances and even about our kids. But by changing the word “terrible” to “terrific,” you can set yourself and your child up for a successful year of growth. Here’s how one simple word can change your mind about the terrible twos.
“Terrific twos” leads to healthy growth.
When you take a “terrible” mindset, you spot your child’s testy behavior every single time. This mindset is like a magnifying glass that magnifies every “no” your child gives. Sure, your child’s behavior may still require discipline, but if we are always magnifying a kid’s terribleness, then we are probably missing all of his terrific behaviors. This leads to more impatience on our part and lands our kids in timeout for 90 percent of their waking hours.
The “terrific twos” is an opportunity for healthy growth and discipline. Suddenly, good behavior isn’t the goal. Instead, good character is and kids’ behavior is looked at through the lens of age appropriateness. You can see your child’s misbehavior for what it is and help walk him or her through it with a level head.
“Terrific twos” creates an atmosphere of understanding.
Every tantrum at the store, every time your child throws him or herself on the floor, every time he or she yells “no” to Grandma, you feel embarrassed, frustrated, and incompetent. You get red in the face, and your body gets hot. You may even begin playing the comparison game and wishing your child were different. But all these things point to you, how you feel, and what you want.
The “terrific twos” mindset embraces your child’s developmental phase. Rather than asking why your toddler’s tantrum is happening to you, ask yourself what’s happening in your child. You’ll learn that 2-year-old children aren’t trying to manipulate you. They are just learning about themselves and their world as separate from you. You can see a child’s personality in a more positive light and help redirect some of his passionate demeanor toward something more productive.
Rather than asking why your toddler's tantrum is happening to you, ask yourself what's happening in your child. Click To Tweet“Terrific twos” makes you more grateful.
With a “terrible” mindset, gathering with others and complaining about your child becomes more tempting. Complaining just pushes you further into that victim mindset. It’s OK to vent, but complaining about the terrible twos too much shapes your perspective of this year as more terrible.
I remember a simple challenge from a friend years ago when she complimented me on my child’s behavior. I responded with the normal response: “He has his moments, though.” She said, “You don’t have to self-deprecate. You can just say thank you.” If your child is doing great, there’s nothing wrong with acknowledging that. It takes hard work. Viewing this year as terrific can help you become more grateful for your child and the growth in both of you.
What other mind shifts have you made in your parenting journey?
