“You’re sure it’s normal?” my friend asked as we chatted about baby developmental milestones. In my living room, we watched as my daughter wobbled on her feet and my friend’s daughter crawled across the carpet. While my kiddo had just started walking at 12 months, hers still crawled at 13 months. “Totally normal,” I said. “My son didn’t walk until 15 months.” On cue, my son—now 3—ran into the room with a book and plopped into my lap. “’Normal’ has a big range,” I added.
But I wasn’t immune to the pressure. With my second baby, it felt a little easier with some experience under my belt. With the first baby, I felt a lot of anxiety, and it nearly stole my joy. Here are 5 things to remember so you can tune out the pressure of hitting baby developmental milestones and savor this time instead.
1. Know that milestones are averages, not deadlines.
My son’s little friend, Raquel, started walking at 9 months. I remember thinking she had a bright future as an Olympian. But I learned that she and my son both hit their walking milestone in the normal range. According to the Cleveland Clinic, babies can start walking as early as 9 months or as late as 17–18 months, while the average age is around a year.
Remember: Don’t let the average age scare you into thinking anything after it isn’t normal. And there are ranges for other baby developmental milestones too. Enjoy your baby and his unique journey.
2. Stop comparing to others, especially online.
I’m guilty of comparing my second-born with my first. And looking around playgroups and wondering if my baby’s on track. Going online brings another level of self-doubt to the game that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. So, when you see another baby crawling (and she’s the same age as yours), stop. Don’t let your mind go there. Meeting baby developmental milestones isn’t a race with your best friend’s or your favorite mommy blogger’s baby. And doing so can detract from the fun of being a mom in this stage.
Remember: Though it can be hard not to compare your baby with others—especially if your baby is at the latter end of the range—remember every child develops at her own speed.
3. Talk to your pediatrician or people you trust and skip online forums.
Dr. Google, Dr. TikTok, and Dr. ChatGPT aren’t real doctors. Of course you know this! But we go on these sites because we want quick info and reassurance. Whether we get the right answers isn’t guaranteed. Why risk it? The time-suck alone of going online for medical information means you’re sacrificing time that could be better spent.
Remember: Most doctors’ offices have a nurse on call. It doesn’t take long to get accurate information, tailored to your baby. And often, if a nurse doesn’t have the answer, she’ll consult with the doctor and get back to you. Getting the right info right away can give you the reassurance you need.
4. Know that some regressions are normal.
As a new mom, it’s normal to worry about baby developmental milestones. But because there’s so much growth happening in these little humans, it’s not always going to be a smooth trajectory upward. Some sleep and language regressions are normal. “A 4-month sleep regression can occur because babies are in the midst of a major transition away from a newborn sleep pattern,” says the Sleep Foundation. And according to SpeakEasy, brief periods of language regression are also “completely normal in early development…[L]osing a skill for a few days, a few weeks, or even a couple months is not a big deal.”
Remember: If you’re still worried (and don’t feel bad if you are), make an appointment with your pediatrician for the peace of mind.
5. Use the milestone checklist as a guide only.
Easier said than done, right? And if you’re already short on sleep, it’s easy to let the worries and first-time-mom pressure, get to you. But try to trust your baby’s pace. As my kids grew, I found that kids can reach their milestones at hugely different times—even within the same family. Development is a process, not a race! And chances are, by the time your child reaches kindergarten, he’ll be running around the playground and chatting away with all his classmates.
Remember: Mom, your baby will get there! Celebrate who he is today, and trust that he’ll reach his baby developmental milestones when the time is right—for him.
Print out our 10 Mom Prayers so you can reference it whenever you start to feel the pressure of meeting baby developmental milestones. We’re here to support you at iMOM!
How are you enjoying this stage in your baby’s life?
