It can be hard to watch your child struggle with sounding out words as he learns to read. He might get frustrated and want to give up. Even learning how to zip his zipper for the first time or tie his shoes can bring tears! But as he grows, have you seen him stick with hard tasks a tiny bit longer before calling it quits? If so, he’s growing his diligence. And with time, practice, and patience on your part, he can develop the diligence he needs to be successful in whatever he does. But how do you teach diligence to a child who doesn’t want to stick with something?
Many of us have been there, so don’t feel discouraged! With some children, it just takes a little more effort on our part to instill this character trait. But it can be done! Diligence is working hard at something and not giving up. It’s careful work, persistent effort. And it can be taught. Here are 5 ways to teach diligence to your kids.
1. Give playful encouragement.
If you can make the experience fun and relaxed, your child will feel less pressure to get it right the first time. When kids learn new things, they often struggle for a bit. And that’s OK. Cheering him on and making it enjoyable will help him associate learning something new with fun.
2. Let her struggle a little before giving support.
Stepping in too soon takes away the opportunity for your child to develop the trait of diligence. Watch carefully for signs of frustration, but try not to move in after the first whimper. If she still seems focused on making effort, let her keep at it. After another minute or two, feel free to give her the support she needs to accomplish the task if she wants it. When we let them struggle a little before stepping in, “we give [our kids] the practice they need to build their persistence muscles,” says Meghan Fitzgerald of Tinkergarten, a division of Highlights for Children.
3. Praise his effort.
How we respond to our children’s effort with a task will shape how they see themselves, especially when they’re trying to
become diligent. Instead of saying “You did it! Great job!” say “You worked hard! You’re making progress!” This helps your child focus on the process rather than the result and will motivate him to keep trying something, even when it’s difficult.
Check out our Good Character Traits for Kids Printable Calendar and download for free!
4. Instill a growth mindset.
Whether your child is learning to button her sweater at age 2 or learning pre-algebra at 12, her mindset is going to directly affect her ability to stick with something. A growth mindset is one that focuses on effort over results. A child with a growth mindset will say to herself, I’m getting there. I just have to keep going. Michele Borba, Ed.D, says that “kids who persist and excel recognize that success comes from hard work and practice, not luck or money or genetics.” Furthermore, “[I]f kids believe that performance is due to effort, they will be less likely to give up and will work harder when the going gets tough.” That’s what we want, isn’t it?
The opposite of a growth mindset is a fixed mindset. If your child says things like I’ll never get it. I’m not smart enough. Everyone’s better at it than me. I can’t do it, she may be struggling with a fixed way of thinking. Work with her to change that by emphasizing the process over the results, and you will start to see a shift in attitude and diligence.
5. Be understanding as you set small goals together.
“Honey, it’s not always easy to keep at it. I get that!” When your child knows you’re there with him to understand his struggles and support him along the way, he’ll likely feel more motivated to keep trying. You can also break down a difficult task into small, achievable goals and praise his effort with each step of the way. This can make an overwhelming task feel more manageable and doable. As he makes progress, let him know he’s being very diligent. Working hard can be tiring and frustrating, but by keeping at it, he’s getting closer to his goal. And accomplishing something difficult can feel really good in the end.
What other strategies can you think of to teach diligence to your kids?
