One morning, I awoke to the delightful sensation of someone gently stroking my wrist. I cracked open an eye to find my young daughter, barely as tall as my bed, gazing at me. I smiled, and she smiled back. How does she know this, to wake me up in this way? No crawling on top of me. No jumping on the end of the bed. Instead, she picked a method that appealed to me—a 30-something tired mom. It went beyond kindness. I learned from her in that moment what love can become if we’re thoughtful.
A kind mom is slow to anger, gives hugs, and pours love into her kids. But a thoughtful mom takes kindness one step further with her impeccable timing. You’re probably doing some of these things already, but if you’d like to make a more conscious effort in your day-to-day, here are 5 ways to take the kindness you already have to the next level to be a thoughtful mom.
1. Anticipate your child’s emotional needs.
On the way home from school, if my son’s quieter than usual, I know something’s up. But I don’t want to ask probing questions with his sister in the car. Instead, I might pull him into the kitchen later when we can talk in private—“Hey, tell me more about your day.” Knowing when he needs a hug or when he needs space is also key.
When your child feels he’s understood on a deeper level, it makes it easier for him to come to you when things get hard. Being thoughtful now with his feelings will pave the way for a close teen relationship in a few years.
2. Extend a hand before your child asks.
Being thoughtful to others might include opening a door for someone who has her arms full. Apply this same idea to your child. If she’s overwhelmed with schoolwork and chores, tell her you’ll step in with the chores that night. If the morning craziness before school often results in a forgotten water bottle, fill it and leave it by the door for her while she eats breakfast. Little acts of thoughtful kindness show your child your love and also teach her how to be thoughtful to others.
3. Involve yourself in your child’s world.
“How did your presentation go?” I asked my son. We have to remember in the midst of our busyness to ask our kids about what’s going on in their lives. When we remember the little details of what matters to them, our kids feel valued. If someone were to ask me how to be a thoughtful mom, my first response would be to immerse yourself in your child’s world and let him know his interests matter to you too: “Did you play grounders again at recess?”
When we remember the little details of what matters to them, our kids feel valued. Click To Tweet4. Appreciate the little things and tell her.
“Great job trying the cauliflower.” “I like how you helped your sister with her spelling words.” “You did a good job coming when you were told.” Being a thoughtful mom means letting your child know when she’s done something well in your eyes. Also, if you catch your child being thoughtful with a sibling or friend, point that out, too, so she’s encouraged to do it again: “That was so thoughtful of you to pull your brother’s lunchbox out of the fridge and hand it to him.” “Finding a book at the library for your little sister was very thoughtful of you.”
5. Look for opportunities to make him smile. 
If you want to know how to be a thoughtful mom, an easy way is to look for opportunities to make your kids smile. Maybe it’s placing a note in his lunchbox or showing up with a box of donut holes on a Friday for his lunch table. Maybe it’s writing “I love you!” in chalk on the driveway so she sees it on her way to the bus. Or it could simply be making his favorite meal on a random midweek evening and telling him, “Honey, I know you love hamburgers, so I made tonight’s dinner just for you!”
How to be a thoughtful mom: Just think kindness with an extra dose of forethought and a sprinkle of initiative. How can you be a thoughtful mom to your child today?
