“Stop asking me about school! I’m so stressed, and you’re making it worse,” my teen shouted as she stormed to her room. Thankfully, this wasn’t my first rodeo. So her words bounced off skin already toughened by her older sibling.
Every teen handles school anxiety differently. What rattles one might not faze another, and the strategies that help with test stress don’t work for social pressure or performance jitters. When you’re trying to figure out how to help a child with anxiety about school, it’s good to know what kind of stress your teen is facing. Here are the 3 main types (and ways to support your teen through each).
How do you know if your teen is stressed about school?
You can often tell when your teen is stressed by paying attention to changes in behavior, emotions, and even physical health. Look for signs like:
- Trouble sleeping or nightmares
- Frequent headaches, stomachaches, or other physical complaints
- Perfectionism, procrastination, or slipping grades
- Irritability, withdrawal, or sudden mood changes
Your teen might even admit she feels “stressed” or “overwhelmed.” Other times, anxiety shows up as defiance or laziness. Recognizing these signs is the first step in knowing how to help a child with anxiety about school and guiding her toward coping skills that fit the stress she’s facing.
1. Academic School Stress
Academic school stress can manifest as perfectionism, procrastination, and physical symptoms such as headaches before tests, often fueled by the pressure to keep up with peers, high expectations, or the school culture.
According to the Pew Research Center, 68 percent of teens say they feel significant pressure to get good grades. Academic anxiety happens when the pressure to do well starts to feel heavier than the motivation to try.
What can you say to help with academic and test stress?
Focus on effort over outcomes, help your teen reality-check fears, and encourage a relaxed mindset. Your calm attitude reminds her what matters most. For example, instead of saying the classic, “Do your best,” try, “You put in the time and studied well.” Ask questions like, “What’s the worst that could happen?” and brainstorm ways to handle it. Talking through worries reduces anxiety, and it’s a go-to technique used by therapists.
Encourage a relaxed mindset with reminders like, “You know more than you think. Start with what you know and go from there.” These simple steps can help anxious thoughts settle.
What are the best anxiety coping skills for teens struggling academically?
Break big tasks into smaller steps, model resilience, and help your teen prioritize. When school stress spikes, these tools make life feel manageable.
- Split assignments into steps. Set mini-deadlines for larger assignments: outline by Tuesday, draft by Thursday, finish by Friday. Small wins build confidence and teach your teen how to handle stress.
- Normalize failure. Share a story of a time you struggled and bounced back. Learning from mistakes is part of growth.
- Prioritize wisely. Help your teen focus on what matters most and let the rest be “good enough.”
These strategies are practical ways to help your teen and can guide you in how to help a child with anxiety about school.
2. Social Anxiety School Stress
Social anxiety shows up as avoiding group hangouts, constantly worrying about what peers think, or obsessive phone-checking. Social anxiety is often about the fear of being judged, rejected, or embarrassed. And for socially anxious teens, the effort to appear “OK” all day at school leaves them emotionally spent.
What can you say when your teen is stressed about friendships?
Start with empathy, validate feelings, and give your teen choices in how to respond. Feeling heard and safe is what matters most. Try saying: “It sounds like that conversation really upset you. Do you want to talk about it, or take some space first?”
Avoid minimizing your teen’s feelings with phrases like, “You won’t even remember this in a few years.” Instead, empower your teen with questions like, “What could make things better next time?” or “How would you like to handle it?” Validation coupled with choice helps your teen process social stress without feeling judged or pressured.
What helps teens build social confidence?
Encourage your teen to take low-stakes social risks like joining a club, initiating a study group, or inviting a friend to grab food after school. And help your teen manage online spaces that impact their self-esteem.
Research shows passive scrolling and online comparison increase anxiety in teens. So, encourage your teen to curate her feed by asking: “Which accounts make you feel worse about yourself? What would happen if you unfollowed them for a week?”
3. Performance Anxiety School Stress
Performance anxiety happens when the fear of being judged takes over, whether your teen is giving a presentation, competing in a game, or performing in a play. Signs could include wanting to quit activities she once loved, practicing obsessively, or experiencing panic attacks.
What can you say to ease performance pressure?
Balance encouragement with reality, and normalize nerves. Try saying, “You’ve put in the work. You’re ready. If something unexpected happens, you’ll handle it.” That’s more reassuring than blanket statements like “You’ll do great,” which can add pressure to be perfect. Remind your teen, “Even professionals get pre-performance jitters.”
What are good coping skills for performance anxiety in teens?
Use visualization to rehearse success, practice strategically without overdoing it, and try breathing techniques.
Try these strategies together:
- Visualization: Spend time picturing nailing that presentation or catching the pop fly. Rehearsing success eases stress.
- Preparation in Moderation: Practicing more isn’t always best. When stress starts to escalate, take a break.
- Breathing Techniques: Box breathing calms the nervous system. Breathe in for four counts, hold for four, breathe out for four, and hold for four (and repeat).
When should you seek professional help for teen anxiety?
Seek help if your teen’s anxiety interferes with daily functioning, causes persistent physical symptoms, includes thoughts of self-harm, or doesn’t improve with your support. Knowing how to help a child with anxiety about school includes realizing when you need to point your teen toward professional help.
What’s one strategy that’s worked for you in helping a child with anxiety about school? Share your tips and experiences below so other moms can benefit too!
