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How to Parent Your Child’s Strengths

You can’t shove a square peg into a round hole. But sometimes, we attempt it as parents. We operate from a narrow view of the world based upon our own experiences, our own preferences, and our own strengths and we assume that our kids share them—or we think that they should.

But our children are individuals with their own natural interests and aversions. You can make yourself crazy trying to change your kids completely or you can learn to work with your child’s strengths to help him or her develop character and values. Here are 4 ways to parent your child’s strengths.

1. It’s about the principle, not the process.

So you want your kid to be a team player, to know how to consider others and work together toward a goal? It’s wonderful that you learned all these things on a high school lacrosse team, but that’s not the only way to learn those principles. For your kid, it could be in the youth symphony, the church praise band, or in a sport you never played and know nothing about. Look at your child’s strengths and interests, the value or character trait they need to develop, and find a natural path toward that for them.

2. Relax with the timeline.

Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. (See 5 Ways to Develop a Marathon Mindset in Parenting.) If you think your child is supposed to mature and acquire skills on the same timeline as all of his or her siblings and friends, you’ll go crazy comparing. Sure, other kids provide a benchmark to check against from time to time, but your child may cross some bridges sooner or later than others. Stay tuned in to where he or she is and how you best can shepherd your child to the next goal.

3. Listen. Really listen.

Yes, you’re the parent. Yes, you are wiser and have more life experience. But by letting your kids talk—even if it’s to complain about your rules or expectations—and truly listening, you can glean important clues about who they are and what makes them tick. It will help you fine-tune your approach to enforcing the principle or value at stake in ways they can grasp.

4. Remember that a little discomfort is okay.

While it makes a lot of sense to do the bulk of your skill-building within your children’s natural strengths and interests, it is also okay for them to have to walk outside of their comfort zones from time to time. It helps them learn to cope with a little anxiety and insecurity and may just help them discover an interest in something they didn’t think they liked. So don’t let them use the “that’s just not me” card to avoid all new or challenging experiences.

How do you parent your child’s strengths?

Dana Hall McCain writes about marriage, parenting, faith and wellness. She is a mom of two, and has been married to a wonderful guy for over 18 years.

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