I would’ve died if my mom ever perused my YM magazine, or heaven forbid, Teen Beat. Thankfully, if she ever noticed the Kirk Cameron poster in my school locker, she never mentioned it. We just didn’t talk about certain things. But times have changed. Being able to relate to your kids could make difficult conversations easier. And if your kid enters adolescence knowing she can talk to you about anything (including the embarrassing stuff), it might just make parenting a little easier too.
I’m not saying you should drop the authority-figure role. But you can come across as more approachable if you don’t live in a cave. Don’t change who you are. Just broaden your knowledge base. Here’s how to talk to teens, 5 ways to be more relatable to your kids, and why it’s important.
1. Share tech devices.
“Does this look good?” my niece held the phone up. We were at the beach, and she’d snapped a few selfies at sunset. “I like it,” my sister-in-law said. Over the course of our week together, I noticed that mom and daughter passed the phone back and forth quite a bit. “It’s hers,” my sister-in-law said with air quotes. “But she knows I can look at it whenever. And I do! It gives us lots to talk about.”
Something to consider: A study from the University of Wisconsin School of Medicine and Public Health found that teens with “family-owned devices” reported more positive parent relationships, along with better teen health and well-being. “For example, 70% of this group showed healthy attitudes towards their body image. They were also more likely to ‘co-watch’ content with their parents.”
Teens with “family-owned devices” reported more positive parent relationships, along with better teen health and well-being. Click To Tweet2. Drop the occasional slang.
“Let’s go, bruh,” I said, and yes, I’m a dork. My son always rolls his eyes, but my dorkiness is worth it to see him laugh. After school, he’s very serious about getting his homework done. So, if I interrupt and ask him about a recent quiz and he’s like “I got an A,” I tell him that’s “sick.” Inside, he’s dying of embarrassment in the privacy of our living room, but it’s worth it to see those straight, post-braces teeth flashing at me.
Something to consider: Am I too old to be saying, “Yeeet!” around the house? Sure, whatevs. I’m not doing it to be cool. I just want my kid to know I care about him and his world. One more thing to consider: unless you want your teen mad at you, don’t embarrass him in front of his friends by flexing your knowledge of teen slang.
3. Stay current.
I still drive my teens to school and usually, there’s a stream of teenagers crossing the road at drop-off. I actually enjoy the parade of fashion choices. And I’ve gotten pretty good at spotting the trends from Lulu leggings to bell bottoms. Knowledge is power and even little morsels like fashion sense can help with how to talk to teens. But you can also chat with other moms or watch popular teen shows to stay current.
Something to consider: Read your teen’s online school newspaper. Ours usually has a review of the latest music or book releases along with kids’ quotes and opinions on such matters. It’s a real lesson in what teens like and makes great fodder for dinner or bedtime conversations later on.
4. Be vulnerable.
Luckily, I have a pretty decent list of embarrassing stories to share from high school. And though I’m aware I’ve recycled some of them, neither kid has said, “Stop, Mom. I’ve heard that one.” I’m guessing they like my stories? From the mild to the truly mortifying, we probably all have moments we wanted to forget, but now we can use them as teaching tools for our kids.
Something to consider: Being vulnerable with your teen isn’t going to make you look bad. It’s going to give them a boost. You think you’re the only one who’s gotten hit in the face by a volleyball in gym class? C’mon. We’ve all been there, right?
5. Spend quality time together.
“It takes time to build good friendships,” I said to my son when he started at a new school. The same advice applies to your relationship with your kid. If you want to know how to talk to teens, you have to spend time with them, getting to know them in all their adolescent glory, and then maybe they’ll start sharing more of what really matters to them.
Something to consider: They’re not the same little cuties they once were. They have their own interests, and some of them may be of no interest to you. But if you want to keep dialogue flowing during the teen years, you’re going to have to spend more time with them in their world. It’s not forever. But the benefits could last a lifetime.
Download our Mother Son Bucket List or our Mother Daughter Bucket List for some great ideas to fit in quality time with your teen. These activities are great memory-makers!
How do you talk to your teen and come across as relatable?
