Fifteen. My friend checked her phone 15 times while we were out to dinner. Finally, I asked what she was looking at and she told me she had started tracking her husband’s phone and she wanted to see where he was. I asked if he knew she was tracking him and she responded, “No way. He’d never let me do that.” I asked, “So is it wrong to track your spouse without him knowing, or is it your right as his wife?”
She argued that since they’re married, his business is her business. But then why not just come out and agree that you’ll both keep tabs on each other? The conversation got more complicated from there, but it made me think about how dicey it is to track your spouse’s phone. Some women get a kick out of seeing where their husbands are: “You’re driving south on Elm!” Others consider it an invasion of privacy. So where do you stand? Is it wrong to track your spouse’s phone? How do you broach the subject without starting a fight?
The Benefits of Tracking Your Husband’s Phone
My husband and I have been buckling down on texting and driving. He’ll tell me when he’s leaving work and I don’t hear from him again until he pulls into the driveaway. If I were tracking his phone, I would be able to see right where he is. If you are a worrier, phone tracking might help you stay calm knowing he’s safe, especially if he’s on a long drive.
The Risks of Tracking Your Husband’s Phone
Is it wrong to track your spouse? Well, it definitely has its downsides. You could ruin some surprises if your husband can’t go anywhere undetected. “Why were you at the jewelry store, dear?” But what might be a more important issue to examine is whether adults (even married ones) have the right to run an errand without having to explain themselves. Being micromanaged can leave a husband or wife feeling controlled and mistrusted.
Should you track his phone in secret?
No. I can’t think of any scenario where this ends well! If he’s honest and there’s no reason for you to suspect anything shady, he’ll likely feel insulted that you felt the need to keep tabs on him. No man (or woman, for that matter) likes being treated like a child. If he’s dishonest and going places you don’t approve of, having to confront him with information you gathered via spying is really going to damage your case and immediately make him defensive.
But if you suspect he’s cheating, shouldn’t you investigate?
If you think he’s up to no good and you track his phone, you’ll only see partial details, which will send you spiraling. The human brain wants to connect dots and complete a narrative, and it will often create details that are untrue and farfetched to make that happen. We’re all familiar with the scene in the movie where the jealous girlfriend busts her boyfriend at a restaurant with a beautiful girl only to find out the girl is his sister. As tempting as it is, there are better ways to seek the truth than tracking your husband’s phone.
How do you bring it up if you want to start tracking each other?
So is it wrong to track your spouse if both of you agree to it? Of course not, but bringing up the subject will be tricky. First, ask yourself why you want to do it because he’ll probably ask and you’ll need to be honest. Be willing to set parameters, like “no tracking around our anniversary, birthdays, or Christmas” or “no third degree about every pitstop on the way home from work.”
There is a risk that he might say he doesn’t want to be tracked and you have to be prepared to trust that the reason he gives is the truth. On the bright side, this conversation could open the door to bigger communication about trust, boundaries, and privacy, so go in with an open mind and a listening ear.
Do you track your husband’s phone? Why?