When it comes to sex, do you insist on the lights turned off and covers pulled up, all in an attempt to hide your body from your husband? Or maybe you regularly resist his pursuit for passion, promising him your sexual interest will climb once you lose weight or get in better shape. If you can relate to either of those scenarios, you are not alone. As women, our body image struggles sabotage us on many fronts, and sex is no exception.
What if we could stop this battle within our hearts about sex and body image? Grasping a fresh perspective will not only boost your overall outlook, but can also transform your marriage.
If poor body image has wreaked havoc in your relationship, here are three ideas to reclaim some sexual ground:
1. Embrace Authentic Sexual Confidence.
We easily believe that sexual confidence is reserved for women with stunningly beautiful bodies, clothes, hair and make-up. (Of course, we also easily forget that our standard for “beautiful” is based more on digitally-enhanced images rather than real live human beings).
Where does authentic sexual confidence truly find its roots? In a healthy attitude, rather than a small waistline and clear complexion. A wife who enjoys sex with her husband, initiates intimacy, and speaks favorably about herself is extremely attractive – regardless of the size of her jeans or body proportions.
It’s no surprise that men tend to be more visually aroused than women. But most husbands don’t want just any woman. If your husband is like most, he longs for you, the woman with whom he fell in love, had babies and does life.
Grow in authentic sexual confidence, and before long, you’ll find your body image struggles diminishing.
2. Let Him See Your Body.
Oh the lengths many women go to so their husband won’t see their body. But he wants to see your body! Offering him a visual feast doesn’t mean you have to wear skimpy lingerie or have the overhead bedroom light blaring.
Bring some light into the room with a closet light, nightstand lamp or candles. Find a comfortable attractive nightgown and encourage him to take it off of you. Spend more time on foreplay, instead of rushing to be done with sex.
Your body image anxieties aren’t going to disappear overnight, but if you and your husband find healthy ways to see and touch each other, you’ll discover more delight in your sexual encounters.
3. Count the Costs.
Sure, you could keep letting poor body image take a toll on intimacy, but have you considered what that will cost? Not only do you rob you and your husband from the gift of sexual oneness, you also hamper the overall health of your marriage and home. Short term and long term, those costs can add up.
Life is messy and time waits for no one. Though our bodies show the effects of that passing time, there is an irony at work as well. The saying that with age comes wisdom is stock full of truth, if we trust in that truth more than deny it.
The wise woman doesn’t find her identity in her body and doesn’t become stuck on what media says are negatives. Instead of lamenting about your body, what can you do now to live more intimately with your husband?
The wise woman doesn’t find her identity in her body and doesn’t become stuck on what media says are negatives.
You’re worth that kind of investment. And so is he! Choose this day to invest wisely and you’ll reap dividends beyond your imagination.
Has your poor body image affected your sex life?